Archive for not my shoes!

Chapter Fourteen

Posted in New Moon, Recap with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

Lalala, let’s go meet the werewolves who get angry and rip girls’ faces off~

Predictably, all four are angry that Jacob brought Bella along. Jacob insists she can help, and the kid named Paul laughs it off as “oh sure the leech-lover wants to help us kill vampires.” Paul gets super pissed, and… oh, here, just read.

Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, werewolves explode. They do not morph, grow, blink, etc., they explode. Don’t believe that’s the mental image intended?

With another sharp tearing sound, Jacob exploded, too.

Werewolves explode. They fursplode.

Good God.

So there’s a wolf fight, and it’s super riveting and stuff. Bella’s trying not to piss herself in fright (because she’s a strong heroine) while the boys place bets on which wolf is going to waste the other. Sam orders them to take her to Emily’s, and he rushes after the two fighting teenager-wolves, kicking off his shoes as he goes.

What? Are shoes the only things that get torn up in the transformation? Oh goodness, we can’t have nudity in our young adult novels.

Embry and Jared joke about what a hothead Paul is as they go to gather the shredded shoes. Wait, they’re picking up clothes, too. Why did Sam favor his shoes so much? I’m freaking confused.

The boys continue to argue over who’s going to win the scuffle, while Bella preoccupies herself with worrying over them, since that’s all she’s good for. Embry argues that Jake’s got a gift and could kick Paul’s ass any day. The male protagonist is the best at what he does? Get out of town. They drag Bella to Emily’s house.

“You’ll have to ride in the back,” he told Jared.

“That’s fine. I got a weak stomach. I don’t want to be in there when she blows.”

“I bet she’s tougher than that. She runs with vampires.”

Hate to break it to you, Embry, but this girl screams after dreaming about trees.

So we’re going to Emily’s house. She’s Sam’s fiancée. Embry warns Bella not to stare at her, “it bugs Sam.” I have a feeling I’m not going to like where this is going.

The house is small and cheerful, and a young beautiful woman is busying herself with blueberry muffins. Bella at first thinks she’s not supposed to stare at Emily because she’s so pretty, and then Emily turns around.

Half of her face is completely disfigured from a series of raking scars.

Oh, I am really not going to like this.

Emily finds out this is Bella Swan standing in her kitchen, and gives her a hard look.

“So, you’re the vampire girl.”

I stiffened. “Yes. Are you the wolf girl?”

She laughed, as did Embry and Jared. The left half of her face warmed. “I guess I am.”

Because anybody who likes Bella is automatically a good person, we immediately trust Emily. Bella notices that Emily’s scars extend down the right side of her body, all the way down to the back of her right hand, and makes some comment about how hanging out with werewolves must have its risks.

Ho hum, your boyfriend brutally mauled you. Since he loves you so much I’m sure it’s not a big deal.

Sam shows up and kisses Emily. Bella has a panic attack because of how obviously they ~*deeply love each other*~ and tries to ignore the throbbing of her chest hole. Good God, would you get a grip already.

Jacob and Paul arrive, having made up. Bet money changes hands. Muffins and eggs are eaten. Wounds heal rapidly, which we are told is a “wolf thing.” Um, no it’s not. Jacob let’s everybody know that Victoria is after Bella, after all. Jared suggests they use Bella as bait, which I think is an excellent idea, but everyone else, of course, is all concerned for her safety. They come up with some plan or other to trap Victoria, and in the meantime, they’ll keep Bella at La Push as much as possible to keep an eye on her. It won’t seem weird to Charlie because March Madness is going on and they’ll just invite him over to watch all the games.

At the end of the day, however, Charlie does want to know what’s going on, since he thought Bella and Jacob had a fight over this whole gang thing. Bella tries to blow it off.

“I don’t know–who can understand teenage boys? They’re a mystery. But I met Sam Uley and his fiancée, Emily. The [sic] seemed pretty nice to me.” I shrugged. “Must have all been a misunderstanding.”

His face changed. “I hadn’t hear that he and Emily had made it official. That’s nice. Poor girl.”

“Do you know what happened to her?”

“Mauled by a bear, up north, during salmon spawning season–horrible accident. It was more than a year ago now. I heard Sam was really messed up over it.”

Because he was in no way involved I’m sure. Way to go there, chief. Besides, Sam ~*loves her so much*~, he wouldn’t possibly disfigure her.

Bella meditates on whether or not she is a hypocrite. She asks herself if she would have loved Edward all the same if he had eaten people (I mean, more than he already did), if she wouldn’t have had the sense to stay away from him if he was a murderer (I mean, a murderer of good people, not just bad people).

I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.

…So I guess that’s a yes.

Jesus.