Archive for the Post is Unrelated Category

To whomever

Posted in Post is Unrelated with tags , , on September 11, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

I’m touched you tried to make a case against Twilight via linking to my recaps on the Eoin Colfer message board, but I honestly don’t know why you tried. I got as far as “I was one of the Edward fan girls a long time ago ok really like 8 months ago but hes a good charter,” and I completely lost the will to live.

He’s a good charter. God, I hate public schools.

Also, hello to everyone who has wandered here from Johnny Wander, and, coincidentally, Yuko’s twitter. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read Johnny Wander!

edit: Sweet mother of mercy, you guys will find ANY reason to get butthurt, won’t you?

Well, I’m standing by this one. Public school sucks. I went to seven of them, so I think I have the experience to back this up.


I never thought I’d say this, but…

Posted in Post is Unrelated on July 2, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

We need to keep the Mormon comments to a minimum.

I know, I know freedom of speech, lol internet, if they can’t take it then gtfo, etc. But here’s the facts, kids: We have pissed off more decent, Twilight-hating Mormons than we have actual Twilight fans.

And that’s sad.

So seriously. Enough religion bashing. This blog is about hating sparklepires, and I don’t want innocent bystanders getting hurt. I’ll do my part and keep the comments to a minimum (unless it’s something that I think even our Latter Day Antis can also find hilarious), and you guys need to keep the Joseph Smith smut fantasies in your pants head.

Twimoms are still open season, though.

In All Seriousness

Posted in Post is Unrelated on June 26, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

I am losing steam with the recaps. When it comes down to “play Puzzle Pirates, go out with friends, or watch a really bad movie with giant robots” versus “read a Twilight Saga book,” there really isn’t much contest.

But I understand my duty, and that is to read Twilight so you don’t have to. And I promise you, no matter how dull it gets, no matter how offensive, misogynist, and downright ridiculous, I will continue to recap.

I plan to maintain and enforce a schedule of recaps every Tuesday and Sunday, barring acts of God or 21st birthday parties. If only so I don’t have to hold on to someone else’s copy of Eclipse for more than a few months. Frowny face.

I also want to point out a few nitty-gritty changes to the blog: There is no longer an approval process. WordPress’ spam filter has more than satisfied me, and I do not feel the need to check if everyone posting is a robot. If you were a giant robot, however, that would be a different case. Also, comment replies can now reach seven tiers, instead of just three. This should hopefully alleviate some confusion in the “discussions” you guys have (which seem to largely be about… let’s see… what shape Bella’s nightlight is?)

As always, you can send good thoughts and misspelled missives to manpirepowers I check it occasionally! So you might actually get a response. Thanks for continuing to read about my descent into madness.

Our thoughts are with you, Mr. Pattinson

Posted in Post is Unrelated with tags on June 21, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

We interrupt your irregularly scheduled recaps to bring you this heartbreaking story.

On Thursday the 18th, Robert Pattinson (also known as “EDWAAAARRRRD OMG IT’S EDWARD!!!!!!111!! ♥♥♥♥”), was forced to make a terrible decision.

A horde of Twilight fans, or oncoming traffic?

As someone who hates the Twilight Saga with almost as much eloquence as the much-chagrined Mr. Pattinson, my heart goes out to him. I think we all would have made the same choice.

The Eclipse Sacrifice

Posted in Post is Unrelated on May 30, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

I have found my book.

Thank you to reader Andrea for offering up your hardcover, probably-first-edition copy of Eclipse. For the good of my holy crusade against all things Poor Literature!

Thank you, also, to everyone else who emailed me and offered. I especially love the poetry and gushing praise. Once I drain the excess ego from my head, I should have recaps of New Moon to complete. We’re entering endgame now, and oh is it ever so exciting.

It’s That Time

Posted in Post is Unrelated on May 28, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

I have five chapters and an epilogue left in New Moon. So my question to you all is:

Who wants to lend me Eclipse?

I’m certainly not paying for it–Stephenie isn’t getting my money–and I don’t have any friends to borrow it from. A few of you have offered an exchange before, so here are my terms: You send me Eclipse, I promise to deface it as I recap (correcting grammar errors, writing angry things in the margins, doodling chapter illustrations, highlighting points that are utterly offensive, etc.), and when I’m done, I’ll send it right back.

Think of the potential value of such an item! It’s easily worth less than what you originally paid for it, now. And also, if anyone asks “Why the hell do you have Eclipse?” they will crack it open to see my witty commentary, and immediately realize that you are in fact a hoopy frood.

If you’re interested in such a proposal, please email me at manpirepowers@ — we will arrange something. And uh, in case I get multiple offers and have to choose one of you, you could sweeten the deal with a little love poetry, or something.

You guys

Posted in Post is Unrelated on May 23, 2009 by Rachel Vampirely

I have some intensely sharp readers. You all keep pointing out things I hadn’t even caught (like Katie Cole asking how Edward being able to read minds protects him from hitting deer, or Himani pointing out that James must have spent a lot of time looking at home movies to find one of Bella’s mom freaking out … just for example).

I’m probably going to have to do a “clever comments” feature or something lame like that.