Fully and Truely About

My name is Rachel, and I’m reading Twilight.

My bizarre quest started one innocent day at work, when a coworker was carting around the entire collection of the Twilight Saga, by Stephenie Meyer. I recoiled and grimaced, which raised her alarm. After I attempted to explain why I hated the series so much, she countered with the question I have grown to loathe:

“Well, have you read them?”

I’m not sure why I need to roll in poison ivy first to be certain that it is, in fact, poisonous, but more important than that, I am God damn tired of that question.

So yes. I have read them.

And they’re still stupid.

About Rachel, vampires, and living in Washington state

I am a 25-year-old of indeterminate alignment, living in the Pacific Northwest. Yes! I live near Forks. Or nearer than most of you, anyway. So when Stephenie writes casually about how her vampires only eat overpopulations of grizzly bears, I know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that’s freaking ridiculous.

It does not, in fact, rain here all the time. It is cloudy quite a lot, and sometimes it sprinkles, but we do not get a whole lot of rain. And actually, there is a whole other side of the state that is primarily desert. See, you learn something new every day.

I enjoy various nerdly pursuits, such as tabletop roleplaying and World of Warcraft. See, that means I’m automatically qualified to talk crap about vampires. I’ve actually pretended to be one. At one point in my life I aspired to be a writer, so I guess that also qualifies me to talk crap about other people’s writing.

I’m a 15-year-old girl and I hate you for hating Twilight!!

You can email me at manpirepowers@ gmail.com. In order to ensure your hatemail gets the most bang for its byte, please keep the following things in mind:

  1. Never spell out the words “you” or “you’re,” it wastes precious hating time.
  2. For that matter, u should misspell every other word, while ur at it.
  3. Don’t forget to remind me over and over again of how wonderful and perfect Edward is, and how he and Bella are true loves. I don’t think Stephenie has drilled it into my head quite enough yet.
  4. Absolutely poke fun at my weight, hobbies, and sexual orientation. Fat bisexual nerds are lonely and insecure, and only hate things for attention. Be sure to remind me!
  5. Cuss, because it’ll make you sound older.
  6. If all else fails, make fun of me for reading something I openly hate.

You’ll be on your way to the front page of my blog converting me to your cause in no time!

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