I never thought I’d say this, but…

We need to keep the Mormon comments to a minimum.

I know, I know freedom of speech, lol internet, if they can’t take it then gtfo, etc. But here’s the facts, kids: We have pissed off more decent, Twilight-hating Mormons than we have actual Twilight fans.

And that’s sad.

So seriously. Enough religion bashing. This blog is about hating sparklepires, and I don’t want innocent bystanders getting hurt. I’ll do my part and keep the comments to a minimum (unless it’s something that I think even our Latter Day Antis can also find hilarious), and you guys need to keep the Joseph Smith smut fantasies in your pants head.

Twimoms are still open season, though.


87 Responses to “I never thought I’d say this, but…”

  1. Moonshade Says:

    I want to thank you. I’ve done my best to be a good sport, but some of the stuff that’s said in the comments has been just way too close to the line to be cool. Thanks for being awesome.

  2. Allison Says:

    I haven’t been reading the comments. Are they really bashing mormons a lot? That’s not cool… We’re not all the same. Just like no one else is a clone. We’re not cookie cutter existences…

    Thanks for the defend.

  3. I hadn’t seen that in the comments. As an Agnostic I think it’s all a little glass houses (for the people making fun of her because she’s Mormon). There are plenty of smart Christians out there, and equally there are plenty who say being gay is wrong. Her views =/= Mormon views.

    • Softspoken Says:

      Okay, but please don’t insinuate “Thinking homosexuality is wrong” is an indicator of stupidity.

      • soranomukou Says:

        Well, it is.

        Thinking homosexuality is wrong is exactly the same as thinking being black is wrong. It’s thinking a group of people are wrong for something they can’t help.

        • Yeah I’d have to agree with you.. Homosexuality is not a choice, nor is it a disease, and anyone claiming either of those two points, is sadly quite ignorant.

          • soranomukou Says:

            You know, homosexuality has been observed in, I think this is the number, 300+ animals. Even in fruit flies.

            • *nods* Exactly! But as someone else mentioned, this really isn’t the blog to get too deeply into a discussion about this. ;-)

      • It kind of is though. If someone were to think that heterosexuality is wrong, that would seem rather stupid. It’s a natural occurring thing that no one can help.

      • *clears throat*

        Not the right blog author to get into this with lol


        • soranomukou Says:

          Vampires that sparkle with chagrin.

        • Android 21 3/7 Says:

          Aww. But I was just about to jump in. Well, no one has any reason to be affected by my personal opinion anyway.

        • Keyaroscuro Says:

          True, but somehow “homosexuality” and “sparkling vamipres” just seems to go well together.

          No offense against homosexuals of course. Otherwise I have a feeling a few of the guys at work would kill me. >.>

          • Now I’m a little sorry I brought it up, I was going to say ‘recognize evolution’ but I thought that would be too controversial.

            But if someone did take off their shirt and sparkle in the sunlight my first thought would be more ‘did you just come back from the pride parade?’ not ‘vampire.’

  4. Maybe I haven’t read the comments properly, that’s why I didn’t see those comments. But I agree. I know a few Mormons who thinks Twilight is absolute shit and even expressed their distaste for it on livejournal (on one instance, she wrote a full dissection of the four books, it was hilarious. I’ll post the link below). The books are just Smeyers personal fantasies, and what she thinks doesn’t reflect on other Mormons.


    • Oh my damn that link was funny. Jee wiz, SmeyerBella, could ya shut up about how much better you think freaking Phoenix is than Utah/Forks? Cause clearly, deluded Mary Sues come from there just as frequently as from Utah.

    • That was pretty funny, but honestly I think some of the things listed on that post (written by a mormon) would be more offensive to mormons then what has shown up on this blog.

      • soranomukou Says:

        I don’t think that anything said on this blog was really offensive at all.


      • Yeah, getting further into the blog, I realized it is quite offensive. I’m also pretty sure the girl who wrote it could be referred to as a “former Mormon” or one who was just raised by them. Believe me, half the stuff she says about them is exaggerating quite a bit. And a lot of it is funny and all but the parts about what Mormons “believe” had me cringing. Possibly you could say Mormons believe some of those things, if you based the religion on Mormon 80’s musicals.

  5. Thanks, Rachel. I really appreciate that. Thanks for keeping it cool.

  6. … Twimoms?

  7. Keyaroscuro Says:

    Thank you so much. Mormon does NOT equal Twilight. I hate that series probably more than most of you do, especially since I effin live two hours away from glorious BYU and the rest of Mormon Central USA.

    It’s like trying to base every single Catholic you know on the Pope or every human on, say, Ted Bundy. Really kids, unless you know every single Mormon in the entire world as intimately as you know your significant other, you really don’t know what you’re talking about. D:

  8. Softspoken Says:

    Yeah… If Mormon = Twilight due to the fame & author, then why not Mormon = Ender’s Game?

    Because that would mean Twilight = Ender’s Game. And I feel sick just typing that comparison.

    • Keyaroscuro Says:

      I feel sick just reading that comparison.

      I don’t think Twilight and Ender’s Game should be allowed to be mentioned on the same blog, let alone allowed to share the same universe. There’s just…well, there’s just no real comparison.

      • This. Ender’s Game is vastly superior.

        Remember, the enemy’s gate is down. Odd, since the Twitards come from the depths of the Inferno of hell.

  9. I feel a lot more comfortable having heard that. I’m not a Mormon myself, and feel rather confused by quite a bit of this stuff. Yes, from the looks of things, Twilight has a fair bit of Mormon influence (can’t be avoided), but that doesn’t mean it goes the other way around.

    A couple of things I’ve said might have been read as strikes on Mormons, and for that I’m sorry. I was more incredulous than anything else, but somehow I doubt that came across text very well.

    None of this stops Twilight from being freaking bizarre — in fact, it makes it all the worse, much like certain rags being related to Christianity in general makes said material all the worse.

  10. i know a “joseph smith” IRL

    so um

  11. Android 21 3/7 Says:

    I didn’t realize that the comments have been that abrasive. I do recognize that Smeyer is simply one individual in a particular group and is in no way their representative. But considering how famous she has become, that’s really what it feels like.

    As for open season on Twimoms, I’ll ready my best Elmer Fudd impression.

    • And no matter how many times Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny spin the sign around, it will STILL say “Twimoms”.

    • soranomukou Says:

      They haven’t been, as far as I know.

      I’ve seen, heard and can come up with much worse.

  12. I’m a proud Twilight hater who just happens to be Mormon and am really appreciative of the defense there, Rachel. I mean, it’s all well and good to mock Smeyer’s Mormon shelteredness and the way she really lays the Mormony tones on thick in her books. But when the comments start getting into hateful stereotyping about all Mormons being genetically defective or all having the same hapless writing skills as Smeyer, I start to get a bit defensive.

    Funny story: My best friend goes to BYU (the college Smeyer studied English at) and he has a professor who had Smeyer in his literature class. He admits that he thought she was a terrible writer then, and that his opinion of her hasn’t changed. Burn. He’s even trying to distance himself from her. Now that’s gotta hurt. I really wish some columnist would go to BYU looking for an interview about Smeyer and talk to this guy. Wouldn’t it be awesome for people to hear from her own mentor/professor guy what a crappy author she is? I mean you’d think lots of attention whore profs would be just eating it up, “Yeah, I taught her and she’s a New York Times Bestselling author and stuff!!!” Personally, as a University of Utah student and rival to BYU, I must say I am pleasantly surprised by the sheer wit and intelligence of said professor. See? I can say something nice about someone from my rival school.

    • Keyaroscuro Says:

      Hahaha oh the rivalry between the U and the Y is much love.

      I tend to avoid the Y as often as sanely possible, so as much as I would like to meet this professor I think I’ll send my Y friends out to do that. Plus I don’t feel like driving for two hours unless there’s food involved. Or my Y-hating U buddy wants to come along.

      Can’t believe I was considering going to attend school at the Y. Weber State University and Utah State University are where it’s AT.

    • soranomukou Says:

      That is quite hilarious. I wonder why no-one DID go and interview him?

    • Sounds like that prof has a good head on his shoulders. Someone should interview him sometime.

    • wow thats hilarious!!! i’ll keep that idea in mind when i become a journalist.

    • is this the same english professor who went to her wedding?

  13. Katie Cole Says:

    my mom is a twimom

  14. Allison Says:


  15. Katie Cole Says:

    wow I got so much support haha thanks :)
    but yea her twimom-ness has kind of worn off. when she was reading it I had already finished the series, but she kept wanting them to “do it”, which made me groan in an omg-mom-you-are-so-lame” kind of way. But she doesn’t really go on about it anymore. Thankfully. And she has never seen the movie or had any desire to. There was one night though when I went into her room while she was watching tv and she somehow managed to find an episode of Angel or maybe Buffy, and Spike was on, and she said he said be Edward. I lol’ed at her momness.

  16. I understand all the Mormons who hate twilight and hate all the references. mostly because most christian fiction by definition blows and i happen to be a christian. I do think at least half the reason my aunts read the books and let their children read the books was because of the Mormon author, I can’t imagine what they would do if any of their kids picked up Dracula or Anne Rice, or any other book with vamps as the main characters.

  17. I’m a Mormon who dislikes Twilight, and I just recommended your site to my girlfriend. Thanks for being so fair about this. ^.^

    Much loling at the Ender’s Game reference above!

  18. Being Mormon doesn’t really have anything to do with the shitty-ness of these books anyway. Stephenie will always be a horrible writer, no matter where she goes to church.

  19. sociolinguist Says:

    OK, really, I’m as much in favor of the freedom of religion, etc., as the next guy. And I don’t make exceptions, the way some people think it’s OK to be Protestant or Pagan or whatever but not Mormon or Scientologist. That’s not democratic and it’s not OK.

    On the other hand, criticizing Mormonism–not Mormons!–is another story. The Twilight saga really is perpetrating archaic ideas that are violent toward women, in service to a hierarchy/patriarchy which claims to be based in “family values” but is really just a thinly-veiled attack on individual freedom. It is not a coincidence that this comes from a Mormon source and happens to espouse all the ideals that the Mormon hierarchy favors. In my opinion, it is not only acceptable, but *vital* to criticize these ideas wherever one finds them. Criticizing the IDEAS is different from criticizing the PEOPLE, who are no more at fault than the average American civilian is personally responsible for the pillage of Iraq and Afghanistan.

    IN MY OPINION, any feminist, any friend of the oppressed in general, is an enemy of the LDS church and of every encroachment of traditional LDS values into society. It’s not that mainstream society is great for women, LGBT people, racial minorities, etc., but it at least has a basic sense of tolerance which fundamentalism has been attacking viciously for a long time. That the assault under discussion comes in a subtler form–pop culture, namely books and movies–does not make it new, nor does it make it any less vicious. It is not only possible, but NECESSARY to be both a friend of the Mormon people (to the extent that they are oppressed, silenced, etc.) and an enemy of the Mormon values. When we give comfort to individual Mormons, as we should–let’s face it, they don’t get a fair shake–it does not make our campaign against Mormon values any less urgent.

    What is it they say? Love the sinner, hate the sin?

    • A word of caution: generalizations such as the ones which you use so loosely are never wise. ANY feminist, ANY oppressed are diametrically opposed to my foreign ideas about religion, I would assume is the point you’re trying to make? That’s quite absurd.

      Mormonism is not a creedal religion with a fixed set of beliefs with all members sharing the exact same set of beliefs. Mormonism has no creeds, no fixed cannon, in fact it is partially inaccurate to even say that Mormonism has doctrine.

      This assumption is important to reach the conclusion: “since one Mormon (Stephanie Meyer, Brigham Young, etc…) believed or said such and such all Mormons do.” This is the same reasoning that brings about the logic that “All Christians are crusaders,” or “all Muslims are terrorists.” This line of reasoning is bad enough in these contexts but it is even harder to justify it in describing Mormonism, a sect that categorically rejects formal creeds. Joseph Smith characterized the latter day saint viewpoint towards diversity of belief when he said,

      “I never thought it was right to call up a man and try him because he erred in doctrine; it looks too much like Methodism and not like Latter-day Saintism. Methodists have a creed which a man must believe or be asked out of their church. I want the liberty of believing as I please, it feels so good not to be trammeled.” (Documentary History of the Church, Vol. VI, 273- 274)

      Mormons are allowed to believe and think what they please and are a group that is widely diverse in belief and opinion. Just ask a group of Mormons if they believe in evolution. You’ll get a different answer from some than from others.

      We don’t all have the same viewpoints as Stephanie Meyer. Far from it.

      Do you understand yet how flawed it is to criticize a religious group for ideas, when such groups most certainly do not all hold said ideas?

      I’m sorry, but “our” campaign against Mormon values doesn’t really seem urgent to me.

  20. This blog is one of the greatest things I’ve seen in a long time. Thank you!

  21. Don’t you think your being a little hypocritical Rachel? I mean you keep saying all these stereotypes about Mormons. I’m Mormon AND I drink a lot of caffeine. Just saying you should watch what you post before telling us not to do it.

  22. Never mind, I just barley read all of this post.

  23. I’m an atheist and also an ex-Mormon. But I think you are being really cool about this. My whole family is Mormon and so are a lot of my friends. And (most of them) are really nice.

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