Chapter Twelve

There’s SOMETHING AT THE WINDOW!!!1

I know, let’s go right up to it and see who it is!

OH MY GOD IT’S VICTORIA SHE’S COME TO EAT BELLA AND MAYBE CHARLIE THEY’RE SO DEAD THIS IS THE END OF THE SERIES AS WE KNOW I–

Wait, it’s just Jacob. Bah.

Bella opens the window for Jacob to jump in.

“What are you doing?” I gasped. […]

“I’m trying to keep”–he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him–“my promise!”

Aw, okay, I guess I still like Jacob.

He jumps in through the window, which is like totally cool and stuff. Bella was totally ready for him to fall to his death. I don’t think falling from a second story window would kill you. It certainly wouldn’t kill Bella–her skull seems to be comprised entirely of a hard, diamond-like substance, impervious to 45 mph collisions and, I don’t know, original thought.

So Jacob jumps in, lands neatly, and gives her a grin. Apparently, the last few weeks of completely avoiding her, ignoring her, and then telling her that he doesn’t want to see her anymore despite his promise of helping her get back on her feet–apparently, that was just fun and games.

“Get out!” I hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as I could.

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise.

“No,” he protested. “I came to apologize.”

“I don’t accept!

Then she tries to shove him out the window, which works about as well as you would imagine. Uh, why the hell didn’t she have this reaction when she found out that Edward had been breaking into her house to watch her sleep at night? How did Bella magically grow a spine?

It’s okay, she swoons out of nowhere at this point, because she’s just so tired, so Jacob has to stay and make sure she’s all right.

Jacob tries to tell Bella that he wants to explain what happened, but he just can’t. He’s clearly acting as though he has a supernatural compulsion to not tell her something. Now, see, that’s cult-like behavior. He finally concludes that if he can’t tell her, he can at least try to help her guess the answer to his little furry problem.

He asks her if she remembers when they first met in La Push and he told her his silly ghost stories. Oh, right! Of course Bella remembers, that’s when she first started her habit of manipulating him. She, of course, only remembers the story he told about the Cullens, a fact Jacob bitterly recognizes. Bella gives up, because she’s just a girl. She’ll probably google for it later.

Jacob leaves, after a few more awkward lines of “no I’m dangerous and you should stay away from me.” Now why is that so familiar?

Bella goes back to sleep and has those wonderful prophetic dreams of hers that have absolutely no basis on the story other than to serve as Smeyer’s only vehicle for foreshadowing. You could just, you know, foreshadow, like a regular God damn author, instead of giving your Mary Sue magical stupid powers. She dreams about Jacob turning into a wolf, like in the previous book, and then she dreams about seeing the wolves in the meadows, and…

…Wakes herself up screaming.

My goodness, she has a glass constitution. Is there anything strong about her? “I DREAMT ABOUT BIG DOGS AND IT SCARED ME SILLY!!”

So she finally puts two and two together on the whole stupid werewolf thing. Oh my God, how terrifying! She wonders what the hell is up with Forks that she can run into both vampires and werewolves here, if maybe they are everywhere and she just hasn’t noticed. World of Darkness, anyone?

Bella continues to freak out that Jacob is a werewolf, in stark contrast to realizing that Edward is a vampire. This, she justifies, is because she never doubted that there was something odd about the Cullens, it was just a matter of finding out what. But Jacob! Jacob was a totally normal 6.5ft sixteen-year-old with a crazy cult following him! It’s just so shocking!

Of course, she immediately makes this about her, because her best friend is totes a werewolf so she must be a freak. It must be hard knowing you’re the main character and the plot-hole-filled world revolves around you and your poorly thought-out personality.

Bella throws on clothes and hurries downstairs, desperate to see Jacob now that she knows his Dark Secret. Charlie’s all “omg where are you going” as though he cares. He urges her to go straight to Jacob’s with no stops, because the wolves have been dragging off more people now. So naturally, hunters and cops and rangers and etc. are going to go out and kill them!

Stephenie Meyer, friend to all endangered animals.

Charlie leaves, and Bella has moral conundrums. Jacob is her best friend, but he’s also a monster (completely ignoring that Edward is, too). She should be his friend, and warn him, but does she really want to warn him if he’s a murderer? (Completely ignoring that Edward is, too) I mean, if they’re creatures from horror movies, wouldn’t it be wrong to protect them? (Completely ignoring that EDWARD IS, TOO.)

The werewolves had chosen a different path.

Now, what should I choose?

Gee, I don’t know, why don’t you continue to pretend dating that one guy and then maybe manipulate him into eating only grizzly bears like your sweet beautiful ex-boyfriend did, before he left you alone in the woods and stole your things?

Goodness me, is she racist or a hypocrite or what?

Advertisements

34 Responses to “Chapter Twelve”

  1. Rat Queen Says:

    Actually, just a note: If wolves were actually attacking people, they -would- be hunted down. In some cases, they MIGHT be able to be relocated somewhere where they would never ever run into people–but that’s unlikely. It’s routine to hunt and kill animals which attack and kill humans of their own volition.

    For example: if someone goes out and hangs with grizzlies and gets eaten, a la that Canadian couple a year back, everybody’s just like “idiots” and goes on with life.

    However, if a wolf comes out of the woods and attacks people without provocation, they ARE killed, even if just to test for rabies. See: http://www.wildsentry.org/WolfAttack.html

    So SMeyers actually did have it right there. As stated before: Million Monkey Theorem.

    • Aha! She got something right.

      To be fair, there aren’t any accounts of the wolves actually eating people–it’s “someone disappears and then a few minutes later we see wolves.” A solid conclusion, for once, but it bears explaining.

      • i like how that’s never explained, either … Rat Queen is right; if it was indeed a wild animal, especially at this point (systematically), killing folks, said animal(s) would be hunted down and most likely destroyed.

        of course, these park rangers can’t tell the difference between “bear” and “really big canine” tracks, so I guess I’m not surprised that “bloodless body with human bite wounds” means “wolf/bear attack” and totally not “psychotic serial killer”

      • Moonshade Says:

        Part of the reason it makes sense is that usually animals who eat humans have something wrong with them– they’re starving, or rabid, or have some kind of other problem that makes it difficult to hunt anything that isn’t human. (A few years ago there was a problem with lions that hunted humans because they had tooth decay.)

        If it’s some kind of physical problem, the only option is destruction.

        *beating a dead horse*

  2. Interimname Says:

    Eat grizzlies! Hunt wolves! Protect human-rending creatures of the night!

    Well, Meyer’s priorities are clearly set for the best of society.

  3. God damn it, Rachel! I really wanted to go to sleep, but nooooooooo! There are four new chapters posted, so I don’t get to do that!

  4. So…Charlie’s concerned enough to say “Yeah, there are man-eating wolves around so, I mean…don’t stop and lollygag around the woods because, you know, you might get eaten. But totes go to the reservation, I’m sure you’ll be ok in the middle of the night by yourself out in nature,” but NOT concerned enough to say “Child, you are staying home. Man-eating-wolves mean an automatic grounding – you’re not leaving this house”?
    COME ON SMeyer! We’ve gotten accustomed to you never doing stuff in half-measures! Bella is a insufferable, Edward is abusive and psychotic, and Charlie is neglectful and uncaring UNTIL his daughter might get eaten, at which point he starts doing things halfway!

  5. After reading “It’s okay, she swoons out of nowhere at this point, because she’s just so tired, so Jacob has to stay and make sure she’s all right,” I almost went to my copy *shame* to see if anything like that actually happened, because it seemed so absolutely ridiculous.

    • It’s true!

      She gets alllll mad at him, and then swoons. He catches her and puts her in bed and they talk about Not Werewolves.

      • I can’t believe this girl.

      • Moonshade Says:

        You know, vampire romances are surprisingly more fun when the human-and-therefore-frail lead has some kind of heart condition or genetic defect that makes her fragile and excuses her otherworldly companions catching her every three seconds.

        Sure, I think that would have made Bella more interesting. And, you know, given her some kind of ‘flaw’ besides being a “mature beyond her years” moron who adores being abused.

        OTHER writers think of stuff like that. But not Smeyer. That would require doing actual research into the field she was writing in.

      • Right, there’s no real excuse for Bella being ~*so clumsy*~ and having to scream at everything and occasionally faint or vomit. Someone else suggested it would have been interesting to explain all this with Bella having a degenerative disease like MS, which would also explain why she wants so badly to be a vampire–then the pain would stop.

        But nope. She’s just a girl and girls are very frail. That’s all we get.

  6. I just had a thought: why doesn’t Bella, you know, ask Jacob to make her a werewolf? I bet Jacob would and I bet THAT would get Eddie back (what? She’s been using Jacob all along!)

    “You don’t want me to be a vampire, Eddie? Fine, I’ll be an immortal WEREWOLF. Nyah nyah nyah nyah!”

    Oh wait, I forgot, that would mean she’d have to be smart, manipulative, and have a personality. She only does the first two “by mistake” or “not really” and she doesn’t have a personality. Crud.

  7. *gasp* Don`t you guys know Bella is a Weapon X reject? She has an adamantium skull! The operation lobotomised her, though…..

    ….

    This book would have been so much better if it dealt with sociopaths and furries and Bella`s insanity turning it all into vampires and werewolves!

    • That, or this:

      An aspiring writer wakes up [in the last chapter of the last book] screaming looking like Death just asked her to dinner for eternity. In that moment, the aspiring writer looked out the window of her small apartment and tried to calm down.

      “Never, never am I going to write such a story with no plot. I swear this upon my integrity as a writer and a literary critic.” the Aspiring Writer say before curling up in bed, attempting to ignore the nightmare that had plagued her for the night.

  8. A chapter 12 Haiku:

    It has been a long
    Time since I have wanted to
    punch a wall. Thanks rai.

    This touches on a subject that, as petty and stupid as it may be, still makes me twitch: The fact that her “vampires” in no way resemble the bloodsucking demons from hell that they are supposed to be. I will give Bella credit for having the thoughts about “hmmm Jacob is a werewolf maybe I shouldn’t be on his side?” Which is something a normal human being (which is what I think Bella is supposed to be) would think about. Why, then, is so so comfortable around the Cullens? OH WAIT THEY ARNT SCARY LIKE WEREWOLVES. She can have the Cullens, but don’t call them vampires.

    I wonder if this series would have been a fraction as popular if she has not used the word “vampire” *ponders*

    Also, ive realized ive been spelling Haiku wrong this entire time…*sadfais*

  9. soranomukou Says:

    You’re forgetting, Edward is PERFECT. And his sparkle is DEEPLY chagrined.

    • LOL

      They keep using that word. I don’t think it means what they think it means.

      • soranomukou Says:

        Everything about Edward is so deeply chagrined. Always. It must be to have the creepy vampire stalker appeal.

        I guess SMeyer isn’t intelligent enough to think of a synonym though.

  10. All I can say is that I put together that Jacob was a werewolf when he told her the story in the first book.

    That Bella put it together as quickly as she did, quite frankly, amazes me.

  11. Didn’t you just love how Jacob wasn’t wearing a shirt in this chapter, for no apparent reason? He shows up in her bedroom in the middle of the night, and he’s not wearing a shirt. And then when she randomly swoons he helps her to her bed. I love the contrived sexual tension.

    Two lines in this chapter that made me snort.

    “You aren’t turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?”

    OH NOES, WOULDN’T WANT THAT.

    And, third last paragraph (the last two lines don’t really count as paragraphs):

    “I didn’t know anything about werewolves, clearly.”

    HAHAHA Is this Meyer’s subconscious slip that she knows nothing about her own subject matter?

  12. you guys r stupid theyr good books.. and really who KNOWS about vampires and werewolves i mean REALLY? its just a love story.. bella is just clumsy… no shes not heroic and shes not supposed to be… n shes not a representation of the girl species… she is an original.. thats why edward likes her.. shes not a stupid teeny bopper she has a mind.. and thinks deeply… and edward really he loves her.. if u were alive that long.. and alone.. maybe u could understand love at that level.. and if these books werent n e thing.. they were a very good portrayal at love.. love is the taste this book lingers in your mind.. and its a good story.. anyone who doesnt like it obviously is hateful to lvoe.. and just enjoying a good story.. and a wonderful artist.. who connected with millions of people.. u are all just a bunch of haters… bleh

    • Cathrine Says:

      I’m trying to decide if this person is being serious. Or trying to mock people who think this way. I’m not sure. One thing I just noticed though, is that the people who comment on this forum use complete sentences, and grammar, and… spelling, not leetspeak/IM speak. (unless they’re trying to sound like a twitard). love is the taste this book lingers in your mind.. umm, wrong on so many levels…

      • “love is the taste this book lingers in your mind” I know all of these words individually, but I just cannot parse this. Some help please :)

    • I’m really wondering if this was fake, too Cathrine. BTW Tl;dr

      Not that it’s thaat long, it’s more like it’s got too much leetspeak and too many ellipses.

      • Cathrine Says:

        There just doesn’t seem to be enough !!!!111!!!’s in there for it to be fake, (that and when people on here mock twitards, it tends to look more like !!!!!!!!!11eleven!) but yeah, too much leetspeak. And since when are ellipses .. and not … *sigh*

    • that-one-person Says:

      O yes, Bella just thinks sooooooo deaply you know???? She really makes me like think at night and stuff… her filosofies are just sooooo amazazing!!!!!!!!!!!!111!1!!!!!! And thisss storie is just SUCH a good storie,its like epic u know??????!?! And yes, “anyone who doesnt like it obviously is hafeful to lvoe”. What exactly is “lvoe”???Is is a new concept that I havn’t come across before?!?!?!??!?!

      Ugh.
      (that was sarcasm, by the way)

    • GAH IM lingo!!!1!!1!!11 Improper grammar as well! What is the world coming to? And people getting criticized for speaking their opinion? Unheard of!

      I will now try to translate her message into proper grammar:

      You guys are stupid. They’re good books, and really, who knows about vampires and werewolves. I mean really? It’s just a love story. Bella is clumsy. No she’s not heroic and she’s not supposed to be she is not a representation of the female gender(girl species <-wtf?). She is a original. That is why Edward likes her. She's not a stupid teeny bopper. She has a mind and thinks deeply. Edward really he loves her. If you were alone as long as he was, maybe you could understand his level of love. If these books were not anything, they were a the very least good portrayal of love. Love is the taste this book uses to eat your mind. It's a good story. Anyone who doesn't like it obviously is hateful to the idea of love, and just enjoying a good story and a wonderful artist who connected with millions of people. You are all just a bunch of haters… Blurf =)

      • “Love is the taste this book uses to eat your mind.”
        I came close to literally rolling on the floor laughing at this line.

        And, for the record, I think it was a fake. I mean, they managed to spell “obviously” right, but not “love”? Oh, I’m sorry, “lvoe”.

      • I rolled on the floor like Draco … That was funny.

  13. “So she finally puts two and two together on the whole stupid werewolf thing. Oh my God, how terrifying! She wonders what the hell is up with Forks that she can run into both vampires and werewolves here, if maybe they are everywhere and she just hasn’t noticed. World of Darkness, anyone?”

    I love that reference. While I’m a fan of werewolves in general, creating games for the World of Darkness’s Werewolf the Forsaken is exponentially better than reading the books.

    If anyone’s interested, there are a few novels for the Vampire and Werewolf lines of this game, but I still recommend reading the rulebooks, especially the parts concerning the vampiric Disciplines and the werewolf Gifts. Now that I think about it, even the most basic characters for Vampire and Werewolf would put Bella’s supernatural lovers to shame.

    Which reminds me, I wonder what Bella’s Willpower rating is? 4, maybe.

    (Yeah, this is an RPG oriented comment, so sue me. Still, the games are more fun.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: