Chapter Thirteen

…is called “Killer.” It really should just be called “Big Fat Whining Crying Hypocrite.”

Bella has decided to drive down to La Push and confront Jacob, who is now a killer, and killing is wrong. But she also wants to warn him that her dad is going to try to shoot him.

It was bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?

Are the two mutually exclusive, suddenly? She bangs on the door to the Blacks’ house, and demands to see Jacob.  Billy lies and says he doesn’t know where Jacob is, until Bella informs him that Charlie and his friends are out hunting gigantic wolves, and suddenly Billy remembers that Jacob is in his room sleeping. Bella busts in to yell at him, but is overwhelmed with pity and the urge to protect him as soon as she sees him vulnerable and sleeping. Silly, stupid women, all soft-hearted and useless. She tells Billy she’s going to be on the beach and she wants to talk to Jacob when he wakes up. I’m not sure why she bothers, since Billy hasn’t exactly been trustworthy, straightforward, or, um, adult, for this whole series. He’s probably going to pay Jacob to break up with Bella now.

Bella sits on the beach and is all introspective. When Bella gets introspective, I want to cry.

Seeing Jacob like that–innocent and vulnerable in sleep–had stolen all my revulsion, dissolved all my anger. I still couldn’t turn a blind eye to what was happening, like Billy seemed to, but I couldn’t condemn Jacob for it either. Love didn’t work that way, I decided. Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore.

… Well, then. That explains just about everybody’s behavior for all four of these books. Love isn’t logical! So stop trying to do smart things!

Jacob arrives, pleased that Bella was smart enough to figure out his oh-so-super-secretive secret. She warns Jacob about the traps and guns, which he brushes off, now growing angry that she couldn’t have just called him (since she’s in so much danger now that he’s a werewolf). He makes some comment about how the rangers are just making things more difficult, and they’re just going to start disappearing, too, which makes Bella all mad and stuff.

“What more can we do?” […]

“Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf?” I suggest in a whisper.

Very supportive, Bella. Very smart. You certainly are a caring individual.

“You’re such a hypocrite, Bella–there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?” His hands shook with anger.

Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?”

That wooshing sound you just heard was Jacob’s point flying approximately 300m above Bella’s head.

“Well, I’m so sorry that I can’t be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I’m not just as great as a bloodsucker, am I?”

You know, Jacob is pretty awesome.

They continue bitching at each other, with Bella insisting that the white folk vampires are in fact sooo much better than the injuns werewolves because they, like, don’t eat people. Anymore. Edward starts whispering in Bella’s ear again as Jacob begins to lose his temper, and Bella switches tactics to begging Jake to stop killing people. Jacob’s all “Killing people? What?”

Ohhh, misunderstandings. Bella explains she has no problem with him turning into a furry blender of death (of course), it’s that he and his pack are eating people. Jacob says they haven’t eaten people, they’ve been trying to stop the vampire that’s been eating people. Oops! Sorry I called you a murderer! BFF again?

They make up. Jacob explains further that the only reason the werewolves exist is because vampires do, and their entire purpose is to kill vampires and keep them from eating people. Sounds awesome! Bella asks if they’re still hunting Laurent, and Jacob’s all what, that one guy who wanted to bite you? Nah, we tore him apart ages ago.

I’m not sure how this works. Maybe Stephenie has a pseudo-science explanation for it later. I thought the only way to kill a vampire was tear it to pieces and then light the pieces on fire? Werewolves supercede that? Why didn’t Edward mention any of this?

“It was so easy, it was hardly fun!”

“What was so easy?”

“Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don’t  count that towards the whole murder thing,” he added quickly. “Vampires don’t count as people.”

Haha you marry a dhampyr in the last book, you poor son of a bitch.

P.S., if werewolves lose their temper, they turn into a wolf and go into a frenzy. Bella asks if this means they don’t need a full moon, and Jacob rolls his eyes and says “Hollywood’s version doesn’t get much right.” Apparently. Vampires have no flaws and werewolves are all Native Americans. Who knew!

They’re still after this other vampire chick, who they assume was Laurent’s mate. Bella goes into a cold sweat, nearly faints/screams, vomits, all the usual Bella behaviors, before finally telling him that Victoria is actually after her. Oh, well, that changes things. Jacob sets her on her feet and runs off into the forest. Bella, iron-willed, has a panic attack at being left alone. Jacob reappears and says he was letting his friends know, telepathically, what was going on. Yes. Werewolves are telepathic. There are telepathic werewolves in this book.

Also, the reason Jacob couldn’t tell Bella what was going on is because Sam put a compulsion on him. Sam, you see, is the Alpha of the pack, and they all have to do what he says. It’s a wolf thing, Jacob says. I’m curious to see what other “wolf things” come up, because, knowing Stephenie, she probably got as far as “Wolf packs have hierarchy!” and left her research at that.

Sam is totally a cool guy, by the way, because he was the first of the new generation of werewolves, and had to suffer through it on his own before the other kids changed. I guess that makes him cool. More like pitiable? I don’t really buy it, and it gets worse later.

“You’re still pretty unhappy, aren’t you?” he murmured.

I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest.

“Did you ever think… that maybe… you’re better off?”

I inhaled slowly, and then let my breath out. “No.”

“‘Cause he wasn’t the best–”

“Please, Jacob,” I interrupted, begging in a whisper. “Could we please not talk about this? I can’t stand it.”

She just doesn’t want to admit that he’s right.

So anyway, Jacob drags her off to meet the pack since she’s got insider information and can tell them how to stop Victoria. When you consider that the best Bella has going for her in these books is a series of big strong men willing to jump into danger to save her, I really don’t know what “skills” she’s going to be able to bring to this little party.

I’m sure the werewolves with notoriously bad tempers will be happy to see her, though.

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34 Responses to “Chapter Thirteen”

  1. Rat Queen Says:

    …they’re TELEPATHIC????

    Man. All I know about wolves comes from reading Julie, Julie of the Wolves, and Julie’s Wolf Pack. Which are fiction books about a girl who lives with wolves in the arctic tundra. ‘Course, that woman did her RESEARCH

    I hope SMeyers buys a wolf and gets bitten by it in a dominance battle.

    Actually, no, ’cause then they’d kill the wolf ;_;

    • Softspoken Says:

      WHY ARE THEY TELEPATHIC?

      I seriously can’t figure this out. There are methods of communication besides for telepathy! Why not a CELL PHONE? They’re great for communication! You’d have to wear it on an ankle strap or something if you go clothes-less during transformations, and it would look silly, but still, it COULD BE DONE.

      • It’s because Stephenie didn’t want to bother with figuring out how animals communicate without spoken language, so she just made them able to read each other’s minds.

        • Sarcasmfeeder Says:

          You’re probably right… I wonder what she does now that she’s not writing. I bet they just put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. When she gets dizzy, she plops down on the mattress-like floor, and stares at the padded wall. Now that, I’d like to see.

      • CrabOfDoom Says:

        And what about, I dunno, *HOWLING*? Or Billy could be in the backyard, being useful by sending smoke signals. It’s not precise like Morse code, but you could still have a signal for the pack to get their asses back to base for a rather important memo.

        I’m also not getting why you have to run into the woods to give a telepathic message. What interference are wall studs and drywall going to pose that a whole forest of solid friggin’ wood trees will not?

        • I’m pretty sure they have to be in wolf-form in order to communicate telepathically (correct me if I’m wrong). Bella isn’t ready for that yet, ’cause it isn’t as pretty as vamp sparkles. Even if most of -us- would prefer it.

  2. Android 21 3/7 Says:

    What do you mean Bella doesn’t have any skills to bring to the party? She has a great skill that contributes to the party! She has the ability to idiotically throw herself into danger! She’s the perfect bait!

    • Actually. since she’s so endearingly clumsy, she’d probably fall down almost right away, and just end up tripping everyone else.

  3. Interimname Says:

    Bella, role model for all ages and epochs! Watch as she deftly faints at the merest mention of bloodshed! Marvel at her unceasing will to become an undead Virgin Mary! Be amazed as she hides behind her own personal army of supernatural strongmen!

    Do you have trouble standing up for yourself? No worries, little lady! This is your role in life. Can you not make decisions or treat others as human beings? Fret not, for Bella shares in your flaws and is better for it! Do you feel emptiness comparable to a sucking chest wound? Act now and find a man to fill you up with existential purpose like Bella Swan!

    If you are worried about your daughter growing up to be self-sufficient or in any way socially apt, introduce her to Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series today!

  4. More like TELEPATHETIC, right guys?! C’mon, let’s get a high five over here!

  5. Forsakentale Says:

    Telepathic Werewolves!! My God! SMeyer totally got all these supernatural skills e magic powers and whatnots in piece of papers, put them in a bag and started writing “Manpire powers….” then she pick um a handful of paper pieces and put them on that column…. whatever was lefts she gave to the Ugly Wolfies because they are totally monsters and vampires are so not evil – I mean, c’mon, even the villains are lame, they can’t be bad.

  6. werewolves are all Native Americans
    oh c’mon Rai, the furfags have known this for YEARS.

    ugh and as I mentioned a few chapter reviews ago, i really fucking hate how Bella gets a girlboner when she finds out Edward is a vampire and is only interested in her because she smells like a kobe filet mignon with all the fixins; but freaks the fuck out at the mere idea of Jacob turning into a big shaggy dog.
    now, look, I like the (mythology of) vampires and werewolves. but, theoretically … I’d always rather know/be friends with/date a werewolf. if my friend is a ‘controlled’ werewolf and retains his humanity as a wolf, well, what’s the problem there? if he’s one of those ‘involuntary’ werewolves, well fine, don’t piss him off and avoid him at that time of the month. but a vampire? why the hell would you want to associate with a creature you know only sees your entire species as food? you don’t really see a whole lot of mice making friends with snakes … there’s a reason for that

    • YES. THIS.

      Shapeshifter vs. Undead? The former is always going to be cooler and less likely to smell like rotting carcass (unless, y’know, there was a really interesting piece of roadkill to roll in and…nevermind.)

  7. Long time reader, no time poster until now. I just want to get this straight;

    Meyer = [1] racist (since vampires are white and werewolves are Native Americans), [2] sexist (since the heroine would be better off taking the drug than fulfilling the role and because all men must dominate in order to be oh-so-hawt!), [3] masochist (since we all very well know she’s putting herself as Bella in order to get some imaginary stuff going too), [4] a horrible writer (that’s self-explanatory), and probably incestuous (since the second male protagonist has her brothers name and loves main heroine (which I’m going to call “Drug” from now on because they at least do something!), [5-infinity] and probably a whole hell of a lot more, but I have to go to class before I can finish reading chapter 15.

  8. Rat Queen Says:

    Interestingly, she did seem to get something else right (I think). In folklore, only vampirism could be transferred by a bite. Werewolves, despite Hollywood’s depiction of them, were either born that way or on purpose performed a ritual to make themselves a wolf shapechanger.

    ‘Course, I doubt she did any research. She just wanted her werewolves to be *different*.

  9. Jacob explains further that the only reason the werewolves exist is because vampires do, and their entire purpose is to kill vampires and keep them from eating people.

    No points for guessing what book she cribbed that little tidbit from. She didn’t even get it right! Although now I’m starting to see where she got some of this bizarre Native American equals Werewolf thing from.

    Don’t even get me started on the telepathy nonsense. Just… no.

    Slowly catching up on these. You’ve been posting up a storm, Rai!

  10. Haha you marry a dhampyr in the last book, you poor son of a bitch.

    BWAHAHA, it’s funny ’cause it’s true! XD
    (Although, don’t get me started on the utter bullshit that is imprinting. And you thought Smeyer was misogynistic before…)

    I gotta say, I can’t read these outside. I tend to laugh out loud too much and people stare at me. :P

    • Anundine Says:

      No no no no. It’s not a dhampir. that would mean she actually researched. No, instead it gets called a “half-vampire” THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME. And don’t even get me started on her name.

      • Do you mean the whole Biblical reference to Jacob and Leah? That’s what I thought too. I feel like my name is being abused by this book.

        • Actually, Leah is the name of the only female werewolf in the series, who is easily the most developed, complex, and interesting character. She doesn’t end up with Jacob she just should have.

          The little hellspawn Jacob is paired off with is an entirely different person.

  11. Soooo…why` he run off in order to communicate telepathically? It`s thought-to-thought communication, you could be in another freakin` country and still be able to connect with the other guy! Smeyer fails at telepathy as well….

    A simple howl would have sufficed, y`know?

    • It’s because he was too embarrassed to tell the real way how wolves communicate without sound… scent marking. Yes thats right, Jacob urinated against a tree.

      Although messages like “I got this girl we can use as bait for the stupid vampire” are a bit far fetched to be communicated by smell…

  12. Katie Cole Says:

    I checked out that dhampyr link you posted, then followed that to fictional dhampyr then to Renesmee Cullen’s link. I hate that name first of all, and secondly, why the HELL could they not call her Carlie (which is apparently her middle name and I’m assuming a mix of Charlie and Carlisle)? That is actually a normal name. I know people named Carlie. WTF.

    Also, her birthday (really?) is September 10. Mine is September 11th. Lovely.

  13. A chapter 13 Haiku:

    Jacob, you’re legit
    I know you don’t kill people
    Fuck the bloodsuc…oh…

    Telepathy. Next we are going to find out that Victoria is working with a Chupacabra that shoots LAZERS out of its eyes

    • Makokam Says:

      Ahahahahah.
      Yes! That is what this needs, a Chupacabra. It’s like, half vampire half werewolf anyway, and it destroys both sides and eats Bella for good measure.

  14. Lattice Says:

    You know how you were thinking, t-shirts? ‘Furry Blender of Death’ sounds like an AWESOME t-shirt.

  15. In theory, “Telepathic Werewolves” is a pretty sweet band name. In practice? No.

  16. “I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest.”

    Staring off into the distance, for dramtic effect. is Smeyer serious?

  17. Makokam Says:

    Right…so… what was that list of Vampire superpowers? Super speed, super strength? So…WHY, exactly, hasn’t victoria just… broken into her house and killed her in her sleep? I mean, she was with James, so she should know where Bella lives right?
    By all rights Bella should have been getting picked out of victorias teeth long ago.

    Makokam out.

  18. W.O.D. Werewolves speak telepathically, with a couple dots in the “totem’ Background…So that didn’t seem to off to me, personally. It would have been nice of Smeyer to explain it in that kind of way. “They like totally have an affinity to some like totally animal spirit type guy who gives the awesome guidance for all the pack, Kthxbai.” Some piece of exposition…nope nothing.

  19. why are there no females in this pack? why is the pack so small? how is it that none of these kids’ parents are wolves? don’t these guys fit the description of shapeshifters and not lycanthropes? did Meyer watch underworld, and just think “hey thats a good idea,” and then she just went with it, but thought that people would see through that and made the vampires and werewolves(and i use those terms loosely) different?

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