Chapter Sixteen

Someone

for some reason

rescues Bella Swan from the ocean.

Jacob is pounding on her back, trying to knock the water out of her lungs and get her to breathe. Internally, Bella complains that dying isn’t so much fun anymore, now that everything hurts and she can’t imagine Edward.

Sam asks if it’s even okay to move her, if maybe she hurt her back in the fall. This already makes him a million times better than the “doctor” attending Bella previously in the book.  Bella finally croaks a few words, and confirms for Jacob that nothing hurts other than her throat, so Jacob picks her up and carries her back to House Black, telling Sam he’ll meet him at the hospital later.

Oh, so Bella is finally going to the hospital for the serious injuries she’s sustatined? That’s new.

Bella thinks she sees fire out on the water. Victoria’s hair is often described as fiery in Bella’s internal monologue. How odd, is Stephenie foreshadowing now?

Jacob was searching for Bella when he heard her scream as she threw herself from the cliff. He lets her know how incredibly stupid it was to “cliffdive” in a storm. To make matters worse, they never actually found Victora. She took off into the water (apparently vampires are very good swimmers on account of not having to breathe); Jacob was afraid she’d doubled back around to the beach, which is why he came back here in the first place.

The whole hospital hint doesn’t get past Bella (she’s just so sharp) and she asks if someone was hurt in the hunting. No, actually, one of the other injuns had a heart attack, the one guy that was Charlie’s BFF. This was actually foreshadowed a bit in a previous chapter, but I didn’t recap it because I thought it was a fluke or something. Stephenie Meyer, foreshadowing? Pshaw I say.

Of course Bella immediately turns this into something about her.

Abruptly, I felt really sick with guilt–felt truly horrible about the brainless cliff dive. Nobody needed to be worrying about me right now. What a stupid time to be reckless.

Did anybody else notice the three adverbs in one sentence? Ugh, adverbs light up like anomalies on an MRI for me, now. Sorry, too much House, M.D.

Jacob dumps Bella in his living room and gets her some clothes to change into. Nobody has asked yet why she was trying to kill herself. I guess Jacob is in denial re: cliffdiving, currently.

For the next three pages, Bella waxes pathetic about Romeo and Juliet, in an attempt to justify settling for Jacob. She’s never going to find another person she loves as much as Edward, ever ever ever. So she may as well shack up with the first rebound she comes to. And being with Jacob would make him happy, and she doesn’t want him to be unhappy, so that makes it all right. Right?

Not even joking.

Bella also has the good sense to finally realize that indirectly killing herself “being reckless” hurts her mother and father. She doesn’t want to think about what it would have done to Charlie to lose his best friend and his daughter in the same day.

Oh, Bella still hasn’t been to a doctor, by the way, after nearly dying. Oxygen deprivation is really not so bad. Jacob at least apologizes for not taking her to the hospital, but Christ. Are people really that lacking in common sense here?

He does agree to take her home though, because Bella insists she’s fine. Oookay. Bella spends some more time attempting to justify her urge to settle for Jacob. He’s “essential to her survival!” She needs him, because she can’t possibly live life by herself.

I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realized now that all I really wanted was a claim on him.

… Seriously?

I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power.

Seriously? You just up and admit that? You don’t care about him as much as he does, but you want to make sure that you still have him. Greedy little child! Forget that it’s possible he could be happier with someone else, if you can’t love him then no one can!

She tells herself she’d need to explain everything, so he knows she isn’t settling. Uh, even though she is. He’s just way too good for her, is all! She’s so broken and tragic and sad. And again, is it really so wrong to just want to make him happy?

Uuugggghh ugh ugh ugh. I want to hit something.

He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.

Almost like being a whole person again. Good Lord. Forget simple codependency, this girl has full-on Dependent Personality Disorder. It’s SO romantic!

Anyway, Bella is thinking about starting a makeout session with Jacob when Edward whispers in her ear to “Be happy.” Jacob, however, opens the door to let her out, and gets a fresh whiff of vampire. So he brings the truck to a roar and they zoom off and away from Bella’s house–but not before she recongizes Carlisle’s car outside.

OMG OMG OMG IT’S TOTES THE CULLENS FORGET ABOUT JACOB THE CULLENS HAVE COME BACK TO BITE ME AND MAKE ME ONE OF THE BEAUTIFUL DEAD

“There’s a vampire in your house,” Jacob hissed. “And you want to go back?”

[…] “Of course,” I said, my voice blank with surprise as his question. Of course I wanted to go back.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Cullens! They’re all good and wonderful and suspicious and abusive and eat endangered animals!

“It’s not a trick. It’s Carlisle. Take me back!”

A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. “No.”

“Jake, it’s okay–”

“No. Take yourself back, Bella.” His voice was a slap–I flinched as the sound of it struck me. His jaw clenched and unclenched.

[…] He put the truck in neutral and jumped out the door, leaving it running.

“Bye, Bella,” he called back over his shoulder. “I really hope you don’t die.”

Can I just say that I seriously laughed out-loud at this line? I think Jacob’s “irrational” hatred of vampires is supposed to make us not like him (because vampires are so pretty and sparkly!), but hot damn, I love this kid.

Bella takes a brief second to think that maybe, maybe she’s hurt Jacob’s feelings, but that quickly subsides because OMG THERE’S A CULLEN IN HER HOUSE!!!1

Just as she steps inside, to turn on the light, she realizes that she’d seen Victoria on the water, and is all like “Oh, I hope she’s not in here waiting to eat me now that I pissed off Jacob and he ran off.”

If only.

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38 Responses to “Chapter Sixteen”

  1. Squeakybell Says:

    **is here from twilight_sucks LJ and has been lurking**

    Waxes about Romeo and Juliet, huh? Let’s use some mad prediction skillz to deduce what will happen next!

    So… Bella/Juliet takes the cliff dive/potion, causing Edward/Romeo to think that she’s dead, and then tries to off himself? Wow, SMeyer, so original–but you forgot one crucial detail: R&J were SUPPOSED to be stupid, impulsive teenagers who only liked each other for shallow reasons.

    • *hand to cheek in shock* HOW EVER did you GUESS THAT??

      It helps that werewolves are invisible to Alice so she’s able to tell Edward “oh she totally jumped off a cliff” but not the “and then Jacob saved her” part. How conveeeeeenient.

      • Squeakybell Says:

        I’m guessing that there isn’t any, yunno, LOGICAL reason for werewolves to be invisible to Alice, is there? Gotta love Plot-Induced Stupidity (TM).

        Now, let me find a wall appropriate for banging one’s head against…

      • Forsakentale Says:

        There totally is a logical reason for Alice’s handicap… SMeyer says that Alice sees only what she experiences/experienced…Meaning: she was human, so she can predict things happening with humans, she is a vamp, so she can predict vampirely things, and she was a glitch from the matrix, so she an see wtf is going to happens with the stock market. That’s why she’s even richer than her parents.
        (I made that matrix stuff up, but she DOES predict the stock market thing and that is why she’s freaking rich).

        Now here’s the 1,000,000 bucks question: why the fuck she can’t see her fucking niece who is half HUMAN and half VAMPIRE? She could see her with double the abilities because she understands the human world and the manpire world *using SMeyer Scientology*

    • Nadramon Says:

      The OTHER crucial detail she happened to forget is that R&J actually DIE. At least a happy ending-less Twilight would have given us the satisfaction of seeing those boring perfect characters six feet under…

  2. About the whole Romeo and Juliet thing – I think Smeyer read into that book waaaay too much. I can’t remember what book it’s in, but there’s this quote about Romeo and Paris (i.e. Edward and Jacob): “They fight; Paris falls.” I just can’t get over how stupid it is. Shakespeare is good, but leaning yourself on other authors is NOT a good thing.

    Oh, and speaking about other authors, Smeyer ruined the ending of Wuthering Heights for me in the beginning of Eclipse. I have yet to read the book, and I really would have liked a spoiler alert. o_O

    • lemagia Says:

      Do you mean the ending to the first or the second half of Wuthering Heights? I had assumed that, like most people who read it as omg true romance, Smeyer utterly ignored the entire second half of the book.

  3. Forsakentale Says:

    “She doesn’t want to think about what it would have done to Charlie to lose his best friend and his daughter in the same day.”
    He would probably throw a party or build a Baseball Room in Bella’s ex bedroom. You know, a guy’s leisure room.
    Oxygen deprivation is really not so bad
    It only damages when you have a brain… and Bella clearly hasn’t it.

    I miss the adverb count…

    • In response to your “Now here’s the 1,000,000 bucks question: why the fuck she can’t see her fucking niece who is half HUMAN and half VAMPIRE? She could see her with double the abilities because she understands the human world and the manpire world *using SMeyer Scientology*” something that may work is that since Jacob and Renesmee have the same amount of chromosomes, Alice can’t see either of them. However, that doesn’t tie in with everything else that you said.
      (And btw, how are their children going to turn out? I don’t even want to know.)

      (PS- It won’t let me respond to your comment up there ^ – I’m not sure why..)

      • Forsakentale Says:

        They sparkly explode and glitter in the sunlight. Their fur will be glamorous!

        SMeyer is pushing here with the chromosome thingie…. Nothing really would lead to that kind of mutation, but then, I give up on trying to make that universe make sense.
        And “I can only see what I was” thing is total BS 101. Alice never was a table, a ballet classroom or any of this. But I’m sure that rule only applies to living things so she can have a plot device.

      • I brought that fact up to my friend and she offered this: Apparently in some book, I’m not sure which, Alice said that she can’t see half breeds since she has never been one. While that explains it I think it’s a bit of a stretch and, as others have said, is quite convenient,

        • Moonshade Says:

          What I got was the Smeyer website explanation retcon.

          Smeyer says that Alice just can’t see werewolves because they’re too erratic in their behavior– fursploding without actually wanting to half the time– and her powers are entirely based upon decisions that have already been made.

          And since neither Bella nor Edward wanted to have knew they were capable of having children, it was therefore invisible to Alice.

  4. Maybe it’s because english isn’t my first language but… that bit of the book you posted about Jacob and Bella in the car and how he “jumps out the door” and leaves the truck “running” made me imagine him just dropping out of the vehicle in movement and leaving Bella with his “I hope you don’t die” wish because she has to take the wheel, hmm, ACTION!

    (yes, I just completely ignored the “put the truck in neutral” part because I hardly remember what a car is supposed to do in neutral.)

    • Android 21 3/7 Says:

      That put such comical and delightful imagery in my head! Thank you!

    • Forsakentale Says:

      I imagined the same thing. Actually, I read something wrong and though he just screwed up the truck so Bella couldn’t stop it even if she drove it.
      I finished this whole imagining thing saying “OMG he totally could have said ‘So long sucker!!!’ after that.”

  5. Dear GODS am I pissed off Bella.

    I mean, she’s been flirting with Jacob for MONTHS, LEADING HIM ON and being a TOTAL BITCH, but she’s surprised when he’s HURT that she pretty much dumps him as soon as she sees A TINY HINT that maybe-perhaps-okay-it’s-not-much-but-it-could-be a Cullen returning?

    If genders were reversed, girls would be screaming bloody murder. Just saying.

  6. Eh? So the werewolves where there ever since Twilight, hunting vampires as they went and yet there is no mentioning of this whatsoever?! No Cullen gone missing or anything? And since when are wolves such poor hunters that their prey elludes them for chapters on end? I thought they worked as one perfectly synchronised being, the whole pack one great team, putting knowledge of their territory to good use during a chase! *sigh*

    • But, see, in order for Smeyer to actually write accurate wolves, she’d have to, like, Google it. Which is soooo much harder than just making up your own rules. Plus, vamps can, like, swim real good! And werewolves are allergic to water!

      • Holy Molly! I can see why Bella is Smeyer`s Mary Sue! Because Bella can use Google efficiently while she can`t! Poor thing!

    • Rat Queen Says:

      Remember: she didn’t actually decide that the Quileutes were werewolves until AFTER the second book. The whole Jacob-turns-into-a-wolf dream in the first book? He was a plot device at that point, and that was merely coincidental with the fact that he became a werewolf later. Smeyers actually says this herself.

      Seriously.

      The Twilight series is really just a bunch of plot holes held together with cardboard characters, screaming fangirls, and sparkles. Oh, and psuedo-science. I -love- reading Smeyers’ “scientific” description of her vampires.

      • whaaaaaat are you freaking serious

        So she really is just making this up as she goes along.

      • FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

      • Softspoken Says:

        Lucky us.

      • What is most annoying is, when cullens and werewolves are enemies, they had a treaty once when they met. They can live anywhere in the world. But they still chose come to live right next door to Quilute people who are known to turn into wolves.
        It is only because the vampires came in to live next door that they turned into wolves. They have it is their blood all along. But a. Vampires precense triggers them..
        I still don’t understand cullen logic of wanting to live next door to them, of all the places in the world. And wouldn’t Carlisle’s record be there in forks already or what…. Ughhh so many potholes

  7. See, Bella doesn’t NEED to go to the hospital after nearly drowning. Oxygen deprivation hurts only your brain, kiddies, and if you don’t have one to begin with, then there’s no possible danger!!

    I hope this serves as a lesson to all you tweens out there that if you kill your brain off by being a mindless drone/idiot/Darwin Award Candidate, you can hold your breath indefinitely with no adverse side-effects!
    (By the by, I just spent like 4 hours watching House, MD myself so. . yeah. . =win XD)

  8. I liked Jacob… Until he saved Bella. Why, Jake? WHY?

  9. I’ve found myself, over the last several chapters, caring more and more what happens. I was totally baffled as to why. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still making me want to slam my head against the wall. But I did develop a sense of curiosity. I had no curiosity to know what happened next in the first book.

    As I was drifting to sleep last night it hit me. There’s a lot more Jacob in these chapters. I like Jacob. He’s a cute sweet kid. And I feel really sorry for him being surrounded by these idiots and being trapped in this horrible story. I think I want to know what happens next for him in hopes that things turn out ok for him. I’m not usually into happy pink fluffy bunny endings, but damn, this kid needs a break. I realize this does not happen. He does not get over Bella and go have a healthy relationship with some cute girl on the reservation. He does not grow into a wonderful man surrounded by his wolf pack family. For god’s sake, I don’t even think he’ll ever get to frolic naked in the woods all furred out. (And certainly not with his fellow pack cause that would be too gay.)

    Which does lead me to the question, “Why are there no female werewolves?” I know it’s less sexy for the women to be covered in fur, but really?! Personally, I relate werewolves to females more – monthly cycles, hair growth, mood swings, the abundance of blood in almost any of the stories. (Side note: For a good female werewolf movie I recommend Ginger Snaps.)

    Well, I got off topic a bit. But I did love Jacob telling Bella off at the end of this chapter. Way to stick up for yourself Jake!

    • There is one female werewolf. Leah. She shows up sometime in Eclipse. She is awesome in so many ways, chief among them that she doesn’t take Bella’s bullshit.

  10. […] “Of course,” I said, my voice blank with surprise as his question. Of course I wanted to go back.

    What does a voice “blank with surprise” sound like, exactly?

  11. alaskan-salmon Says:

    bah! oxygen deprivation wouldn’t hurt her! she’s the “heroine” who can survive anything thrown at her… like a fist! she’s got no more brain cells to lose!

  12. Perry Tubby Awesomesauce Says:

    Yes, this comment is like three months after the last comment. But after reading this chapter….I’ve known a person like this in real life. If this is seriously how Smeyer thinks, I really feel sad for her. This girl I knew wound up committed because she tried to kill herself because her BotW (boyfriend of the week) dumped her. She absolutely could not function without the thought of a man in her life to love, and it was the only thing she ever talked about. Reading these quotes was like hearing how she constantly felt all over again. I mean even the way the sentences are formed. Spooky.

    But holy craptastic with ten different kinds of dark chocolate, how does something like this become so acceptable to the masses?

    • The worst part is bella is shown to be more mature and wise then adults. teenage girls tend to be fussed about boys alot but that doesn’t make then mature and they grow out of it. Only Sometimes it is because they have a problem, here bella’s antics are shown to be out of true love? How disturbing is that.

  13. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-defeating_personality_disorder

    Maybe she has self-defeating personality disorder?

  14. “Can I just say that I seriously laughed out-loud at this line? I think Jacob’s “irrational” hatred of vampires is supposed to make us not like him (because vampires are so pretty and sparkly!), but hot damn, I love this kid.”

    I second that. Jacob, even for a temporary boyfriend, probably has the most personality of anyone in this series. Hell, I wouldn’t mind being his friend, so long as my Willpower score is high enough. (Sorry, had to do it.)

  15. HapHazard Says:

    I’m sorry, I’m a long time reader (not commenter) but I have to post because this chapter pisses me off. Like, a lot.

    My sister was in a near-drowning about five years ago. She was under water for about five minutes. To this day, nearly five or six years later, she is in a wheelchair still. She cannot talk or walk because of the braindamage from lack of oxygen.

    I know there’s nothing confirming Bella’s time underwater in the books, but from what it sounds like, it was a long time.
    So why does Bella not suffer anything other than a sore throat?

    Oh, that’s right. The same reason she didn’t get road-rash from crashing the bike. Or a head injury from smashing into a tree. It would be too realistic.

    I’m sorry I had to complain about that.
    I’ll go back to be quiet now ._.

  16. What bugs me the most about this chapter is that actually, according to folklore, vampires can’t cross running water or water in general. So how come Victoria takes an easy dive into the OCEAN?
    It’s certainly Smeyer not doing her homework, but it still irrates me. If, at least, she could pretend to care about the creatures she writes about!

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