I want you all to suffer as I have.
Another week passes. Bella looks pale and terrified and jumps at everything. Charlie doesn’t do a damn thing about it. Ugh.
Bella obsesses over why Jacob has dumped her, rather than accepting that he’s a jerk and moving on with her life. After another week, she finally figures that it’s because of Sam Uley. Good lord. Well, now that she knows it’s not her fault, she’s going to rush in there and save him from the cult!
The cult with no harmful behaviors whatsoever. The cult that prides itself on protecting the people of the reservation. The cult we have no proof of whatsoever. But, omg, let’s totally worry ourselves with it.
Bella calls Charlie to tattle on the injuns, telling him that there’s some sort of gang down there and Sam is the head of it. Charlie patronizes her and tells her Sam is a good kid so stop freaking whining (…paraphrasing). He tells her he’s way too busy with this wolf thing to play her stupid teenager drama games, the big brutes are definitely eating people now so they need to go shoot them.
Bella drives to the res, and runs into Quil, who has also grown a noticeable amount since the last time she saw him. She figures growth hormones. Totally not werewolves! Also, I know which one Quil is, now that we finally have a description–he’s the burly one with the short hair. Quil is depressed as hell, and Bella gives him a lift home.
Quil expositions that Jacob is avoiding him, and hanging out with Embry and Paul and Sam a lot. Quil hates Sam, too, which I still don’t get. Quil calls it a cult, despite the fact that it has no cult-like behaviors whatsoever and really just looks like Sam’s made all three of them his bitch.
He stared at me, his face frightened. “I don’t want to be next.“
Just his face was frightened. The rest of him was okay.
So Bella parks her ass in front of the Blacks’ house and does her homework, waiting for Jacob to show up. When he finally does, he’s angry, taller, and his hair is short. Also, he’s aged. Yes! He’s older. Werewolves age to 21 when they have their first change, because then they can legally get into R rated movies, and date the female protagonist.
Guys, I’m not joking.
Anyway, Jacob is mad, unhappy that Bella is stalking him now. Bella wishes she were, like, totally a vampire, so she could like bite Sam and kill him, and stuff. That’d be so rad!!!
Jacob shoos off the other boys and talks to Bella alone. Jacob was all wrong about the cult thing, as it turns out. But he can’t tell Bella why. She can read these brochures, though, and come in for a free e-meter reading.
Bella gives him crap for hanging out with Sam and not her. Jacob insists that Sam is not the bad guy he thought he was. He gets so angry he starts shaking, and Bella cries, because yelling at him didn’t work.
“Stop blaming Sam.” The words came out fast, like a reflex. […]
“Then who should I blame?” I retorted.
He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing.
“You don’t want to hear that.”
No, let’s have it. Is it the Democrats? Gays? Canadians? The guys who picked on you in school? The goth kids who made you listen to Marilyn Manson and so now you totally like worship the Devil and stuff?
“The hell I don’t!” I snapped. “I want to know, and I want to know now.” […]
“You asked for it,” he growled at me, eyes glinting hard. “If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?”
Oh snap! Go, Jacob!
Bella is shocked that someone could possibly not like vampires. She then tries to play dumb, like, “what, you hate mosquitos, I don’t get it.” Jacob insists that it’s the Cullens, he believes his dad now, totally not a werewolf, etc. Jacob shakes a little more, and Edward starts whispering unhelpful hints in Bella’s ear again. But she’s like, totally not in danger! Jacob isn’t going to turn into a gigantic wolf, that’s just silly!
“Go home, Bella. I can’t hang out with you anymore.”
The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. “Are you… breaking up with me?” The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking.
Good show. He’s not your boyfriend until he hurts you, and then you’re all “OH NO DON’T DUMP ME.” What a callous little bitch! How the hell am I supposed to like her??
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t… before… I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob.” I was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into the shape of a lie.
But not an actual lie. Good little caring perfect Bella would never actually lie.
“Maybe… maybe I would change,” I whispered. “Maybe, if you just give me some time… just don’t quit on me now, Jake. I can’t take it.”
C’mon, Jake, she needs you! When she’s alone, she realizes what a two-dimensional character she is, devoid of any personality, hopes, dreams, or fears that are unrelated to her love interest! You make her rounded!
He resists, saying something about how he’s a tortured beast and a bad person, and sends her home.
…Well, he goes into his house, at least. Bella just sort of stands there in the rain looking pathetic. Waaaaah someone I wasn’t even dating dumped me, now I have to stand on my own two feet, maybe if I stand out here and get wet he’ll feel bad and change his mind, waaaaah!
Billy finally has to tell her to GTFO. She drives home like a zombie. Charlie gets all mad and calls Billy to tattle on Jacob. Billy blames it all on Bella, saying she led Jacob on, which couldn’t possibly be it, because Bella was always so clear that she and Jacob were just friends.
Bella knows that it isn’t possibly her fault (see above) so it must be that Billy is hiding a huge secret, to try to get Charlie against her. I love that Billy’s social skills are as developed and mature as a 15 year old in an AOL chatroom.
Bella cries and cries and cries and cries the poor thing. She is probably the single most useless female character ever invented.
Oh, there’s something at the window. Is Victoria here to finally end this stupid series? Chapter end!