Chapter Eleven

I want you all to suffer as I have.

Another week passes. Bella looks pale and terrified and jumps at everything. Charlie doesn’t do a damn thing about it. Ugh.

Bella obsesses over why Jacob has dumped her, rather than accepting that he’s a jerk and moving on with her life. After another week, she finally figures that it’s because of Sam Uley. Good lord.  Well, now that she knows it’s not her fault, she’s going to rush in there and save him from the cult!

The cult with no harmful behaviors whatsoever. The cult that prides itself on protecting the people of the reservation. The cult we have no proof of whatsoever. But, omg, let’s totally worry ourselves with it.

Bella calls Charlie to tattle on the injuns, telling him that there’s some sort of gang down there and Sam is the head of it. Charlie patronizes her and tells her Sam is a good kid so stop freaking whining (…paraphrasing). He tells her he’s way too busy with this wolf thing to play her stupid teenager drama games, the big brutes are definitely eating people now so they need to go shoot them.

Bella drives to the res, and runs into Quil, who has also grown a noticeable amount since the last time she saw him. She figures growth hormones. Totally not werewolves! Also, I know which one Quil is, now that we finally have a description–he’s the burly one with the short hair. Quil is depressed as hell, and Bella gives him a lift home.

Quil expositions that Jacob is avoiding him, and hanging out with Embry and Paul and Sam a lot. Quil hates Sam, too, which I still don’t get.  Quil calls it a cult, despite the fact that it has no cult-like behaviors whatsoever and really just looks like Sam’s made all three of them his bitch.

He stared at me, his face frightened. “I don’t want to be next.

Just his face was frightened. The rest of him was okay.

So Bella parks her ass in front of the Blacks’ house and does her homework, waiting for Jacob to show up. When he finally does, he’s angry, taller, and his hair is short. Also, he’s aged. Yes! He’s older. Werewolves age to 21 when they have their first change, because then they can legally get into R rated movies, and date the female protagonist.

Guys, I’m not joking.

Anyway, Jacob is mad, unhappy that Bella is stalking him now. Bella wishes she were, like, totally a vampire, so she could like bite Sam and kill him, and stuff. That’d be so rad!!!

Jacob shoos off the other boys and talks to Bella alone. Jacob was all wrong about the cult thing, as it turns out. But he can’t tell Bella why. She can read these brochures, though, and come in for a free e-meter reading.

Bella gives him crap for hanging out with Sam and not her. Jacob insists that Sam is not the bad guy he thought he was. He gets so angry he starts shaking, and Bella cries, because yelling at him didn’t work.

“Stop blaming Sam.” The words came out fast, like a reflex. […]

“Then who should I blame?” I retorted.

He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing.

“You don’t want to hear that.”

No, let’s have it. Is it the Democrats? Gays? Canadians? The guys who picked on you in school? The goth kids who made you listen to Marilyn Manson and so now you totally like worship the Devil and stuff?

“The hell I don’t!” I snapped. “I want to know, and I want to know now.” […]

“You asked for it,” he growled at me, eyes glinting hard. “If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?”

Oh snap! Go, Jacob!

Bella is shocked that someone could possibly not like vampires. She then tries to play dumb, like, “what, you hate mosquitos, I don’t get it.” Jacob insists that it’s the Cullens, he believes his dad now, totally not a werewolf, etc. Jacob shakes a little more, and Edward starts whispering unhelpful hints in Bella’s ear again. But she’s like, totally not in danger! Jacob isn’t going to turn into a gigantic wolf, that’s just silly!

“Go home, Bella. I can’t hang out with you anymore.”

The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. “Are you… breaking up with me?” The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking.

Good show. He’s not your boyfriend until he hurts you, and then you’re all “OH NO DON’T DUMP ME.” What a callous little bitch! How the hell am I supposed to like her??

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t… before… I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob.” I was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into the shape of a lie.

But not an actual lie. Good little caring perfect Bella would never actually lie.

“Maybe… maybe I would change,” I whispered. “Maybe, if you just give me some time… just don’t quit on me now, Jake. I can’t take it.”

C’mon, Jake, she needs you! When she’s alone, she realizes what a two-dimensional character she is, devoid of any personality, hopes, dreams, or fears that are unrelated to her love interest! You make her rounded!

He resists, saying something about how he’s a tortured beast and a bad person, and sends her home.

…Well, he goes into his house, at least. Bella just sort of stands there in the rain looking pathetic. Waaaaah someone I wasn’t even dating dumped me, now I have to stand on my own two feet, maybe if I stand out here and get wet he’ll feel bad and change his mind, waaaaah!

Billy finally has to tell her to GTFO. She drives home like a zombie. Charlie gets all mad and calls Billy to tattle on Jacob. Billy blames it all on Bella, saying she led Jacob on, which couldn’t possibly be it, because Bella was always so clear that she and Jacob were just friends.

Bella knows that it isn’t possibly her fault (see above) so it must be that Billy is hiding a huge secret, to try to get Charlie against her. I love that Billy’s social skills are as developed and mature as a 15 year old in an AOL chatroom.

Bella cries and cries and cries and cries the poor thing. She is probably the single most useless female character ever invented.

Oh, there’s something at the window. Is Victoria here to finally end this stupid series? Chapter end!

31 Responses to “Chapter Eleven”

  1. I seriously want to maul Bella with my bear hands.

    See what I did there?

  2. Softspoken Says:

    You know, I like reading this because I feel like I find things that I SHOULDN’T do in my creative writing. Criticisms that I honestly wouldn’t have thought of, but are VERY justified. Such as: “Just his face was frightened. The rest of him was okay.”
    So now I know, describe a person’s emotion, give an expression, but do not give a body part it’s own sentience to hold emotion.
    Ah, the things I learn from the internet!

    • Some of the things she writes just sound doofy. “Her eyes squinted.” WHAT ELSE ON HER BODY COULD POSSIBLY SQUINT?

      • What about “”Hmm,” he murmured.”? Thanks to you, I now have the image of someone having a conversation and their interlocutor saying something puzzling or thought provoking, causing the person to shout “HMMM!” at the top of their lungs. Thank you for this mental scene, it will make me giggle for some time.

        • FlameUser64 Says:

          I know some mad scientist types from video games who like to shout HMMMM at the top of their lungs. Oh, also, I think people tend to do that when sarcastic.

          Still, it’s pretty ridiculous. And funny. =D

      • Her bellybutton squints, duh.

      • Smeyer is really repetitive and redundant

      • soranomukou Says:

        Ears can squint too, don’t be dim.

  3. Forsakentale Says:

    Bella, this is for you and your Hearing-Edward-Voices-In-Your-Head episodes:
    So Bella just used her four dots on Manipulation to lead Jacob on when she didn’t want him, ’cause, you know, the attention is great. Then she thinks maybe Mike can boost some of her ego too. Then Jacob get 10 feet high in a week, get a beard, a new hair cut, gets totes badass in a gang and don’t want Bella anymore…
    …And now she kinda wants him because he’s a tortured beast with wolfiepowers and can eat her.
    That’s what New Moon is all about? I’m glad I never got it.

    • oh wait ’til she finds out Jacob is a werewolf – she gets all terrified and creeped out by him turning into a giant snarly wolfmonster. never mind that the injun wuffs don’t hurt people. but, you know, someone that could snap her like a toothpick and suck her dry (AND WANTS TO) is totally hawttt

  4. Android 21 3/7 Says:

    … The more quotes I see, the more worried I am that Smeyer writes the same way I do… Fortunately, I’m going to be an animator, not a writer.

    • Same! What kind of animation are you interested in?

      • Android 21 3/7 Says:

        The type that MOVES! More specifically, character animation, but I’m also interested in visual effects and like giving experimental animation a spin from time to time.

        • Oh cool! Me three!

          Though I’m going to do animations for games, actually it’s more like game art, but I digress. I like stop motion, time consuming as it is.

        • I’m going to be an animator too!!! I prefer stop-motion animation, which even surprises me because most people think that its tedious. Let’s face it, it IS a long process, but I just love the final outcome. I’m still learning computer animation on MAYA, though.

  5. Allycat Says:

    A little bit off topic, but has anyone else read The Eye of Argon? The author also horribly abuses a thesaurus, maybe they are related.

  6. Interimname Says:

    I have seen the movie, but I refuse to read the books. That being said, I really didn’t dislike Charlie in the movie. I thought Bella was the bitch of the father-daughter relationship, because he seemed genuinely concerned (maybe I just wasn’t thinking it through, I don’t know, I’m not going to re-watch it). I guess Meyer realized that she her character was bitching about a dad who wasn’t so bad, so she decided to make him fucking terrible. I can’t think of any reason why else he seems suddenly negligent.

    • Interimname Says:

      Ok, I guess the comments section is not crazy for tags. Intent was for “she” to be a strikethrough. rassin frassin…

    • Moonshade Says:

      Honestly, I”m with you on this one. Charlie actually gave a crap in the movies. Heck, he even went so far as to give her pepper spray to fend off her scary vampiric stalker.

  7. Same! What kind of animation are you interested in?
    BTW I love your blog!

  8. “Billy finally has to tell her to GTFO.”


    I think the only reason I’m not audibly laughing at this is because my parents are asleep and it’s nearly 1am… but my whole body is shaking with laughter LOL

  9. A chapter 11 Hiku:

    Well Bella, we were
    Never actually dateing
    Go QQ more nub

  10. The cliffhanger endings to chapters were getting at me a while, until I realized why, it’s like a fanfiction where you have to wait like a week for an update and the author puts in a cliffhanger to keep the reader’s attention.

    I’ve read many books that use cliffhanger ending chapters, but it’s not like every freaking chapter that ends must end in a cliffhanger.

  11. Semester just started, I’m already behind, and what am I doing? Torturing myself with New Moon. Only because I LOVE your blog. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to leave a comment.

    I saw the film and sort of enjoyed it… only because Robert Pattinson is a bit of a looker. Then I read the book, because, ya know, everyone knows the books are always better than the films based on them! NOT IN THIS CASE.

    BY GOD New Moon is even worse than Twilight. I can’t believe I have friends who love this series, who find it romantic, who are dying to see the films, who find Bella inspirational. It hurts me so badly. So badly that I can feel multiple holes in my heart, in fact, and I think I’ll just go to the next room to double over and have a breakup induced asthma attack of the soul. Then I’ll be just like ~*Bella*~.

  12. alaskan-salmon Says:

    the thing about quill just suddenly reminded me of the alexander movie where alexander is running into battle (or riding, whatever) and his face is terrified and seems to be wondering what the hell his body is doing… actually his face seems disconnected from his body and mind the whole way through.
    i didn’t realise i could actually leave comments here, so here’s my first. its sad to think that i was drawn into this trash like so many other innocent teenagers, (cough cough).
    thanks for the wonderful insight, i’m definately going to pay more attention to books now! especially my own (which i may or may not actually finish).

  13. Why can’t the bear with wolf legs just come and murder Bella already!

  14. Team Shut The Hell Up Says:

    Wait. Bella just camped outside Jacob’s house because he refused to talk to her. Doesn’t that make her a stalker?? I think so. Creep.

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