Today’s update is brought to you by Mother’s Day! Thanks for raising me to be a sensible woman who knows better than to hang around with asshole vampires, Mom!
It’s four months later, and Bella finally wakes up.
Charlie has slammed his fist on the table, and announced he’s sending Bella home. Bella is exhibiting signs of clinical depression–or she would be, if Stephenie knew a single freaking thing about behavioral psychology. Bella is depressed in that she is emotionally dead and doesn’t want to do any of the things she enjoyed doing… which is cheating, because she didn’t enjoy doing anything to begin with. Other than that, her grades are perfect, she never misses days of school, she hasn’t broken curfew, she gets out of bed in the morning, etc. Remember, kids, depression is good for your schoolwork.
How much more readable would this series be if Stephenie knew anything about how people actually work? Edward would be abusive, but only because Carlisle has been perpetuating it, reminding him of what a monster he is and how no one will love him. Bella would be of the classic girlfriend “I will save the badboy” stereotype, and her friends and family would vainly attempt to save her from the maniac she loves and her self-imposed Stockholm Syndrome…
But no. I get “He hurts her because he loves her” and not a single character questions it.
So Bella comes to, four months later, as Charlie has begun telling her that she needs to get some help. I am displeased that it took him four months to have this conversation with her. Charlie is a really crappy dad. Bella doesn’t want to see a shrink, though–they’d lock her away if she said Edward was a vampire. It’s more likely they’d give her some pretty little antipsychotic pills to take. Then when Edward comes back he can medicate her by force, to make sure she stays “good” around him. That’s interesting! It’s never going to happen.
Charlie insists that Bella do something. Bella tepidly agrees that she’ll go out with Jessica or whatever. Who? Oh, right, boring mortal friend, I remember. Charlie tells her she needs to stop waiting for “him,” at which Bella glowers. Edward, it seems, is off-limits. How mature. That’ll help you through your problem. She rushes off to school to avoid further interaction.
Mike looks like he’s worried about her. That’s pretty sweet of him. Jessica, however, has ditched Bella entirely, because uh… I really don’t know, actually. Bella wasn’t much for conversation to begin with, and she didn’t exactly hang out. I don’t know how Jessica would know that Bella is actually any different. Oh well. Jessica is mad at Bella for being such a downer all the time. In Calculus (which is really hard you guys, girls are never good at math), Bella asks Jessica if she wants to see a movie in Port Angeles. NO ROMANCES, OKAY. She’s trying very hard to stay at the “denial” phase. They decide on a zombie movie.
The great thing about Bella’s depression is we don’t get montages of what she does through her entire day. She’s in a “haze” so in the narrative she just… appears in her room! This should really happen more often. Bella has “survived” the last few months by keeping herself in a protective cocoon of haziness and denial, numbing herself to the outside world and trying her best to just not think about anything Edward. Healthy. Super. She even went so far as to dig the stereo out of her truck with her fingernails and keeps it in a garbage bag in her closet. Why she didn’t just throw it away is anyone’s guess.
Jessica picks Bella up. Jessica tries not to be critical/curious of why Bella suddenly wants to do things. When a love song comes on, Bella immediately asks if she can change the station.
Her eyes squinted. “Since when do you like rap?”
Wah wah waahhhhhh! “Her eyes squinted?” As opposed to what, her ears? Bella is all “uh a little while I think whatever,” and tries to pretend like she likes rap. Stupid white girls. To avoid having to interact, she nudges Jessica into one-sided conversation, and Jessica, a chatterbox, gladly delivers.
At the movie, Bella is distraught to realize that the zombie movie has a romantic prologue. NO, she might be forced to face her problems!! She escapes to the lobby for a good 20 minutes, coming back to the zombie bloodbath. Much better. Watching undead creatures eat people is a great way to get her mind off her vampire ex-boyfriend.
At some point, Bella realizes that she looks more like the zombie than the heroine, which confuses and frightens her, so she gets up and leaves again. She wanted to be undead once, but not ugly!!
It was depressing to realize that I wasn’t the heroine anymore, that my story was over.
If only that were the case. I wouldn’t have three more 500+ page books to read.
Jessica is now starting to wonder what the hell is up. Bella comes up with some weak excuse about how the movie was too scary. Whatever. They walk down to get food.
It looks like “wandering alone at night in a town you’re unfamiliar with” is something that women just do. Jessica starts walking quickly and avoiding the eye contact of a group of rough-looking men in the doorway of a bar. Heeyyy they look familiar! Bella stops to stare at them.
Jessica panics as Bella discovers her deathwish, and takes slow, lurching steps into the street, much like a mentally handicapped person. Adrenaline courses through her as she becomes aware of the danger she’d put herself in by associating with these ruffians, and of course, she likes it.
Cue the intense self-destruction!
Jessica catches up to her in the street and grabs her, demanding to know if she’s suicidal or something. Bella answers her “No,” in all seriousness, and Jessica goes like “uhh that was a joke.” Great friends. Awesome. Bella’s just fine, guys, it’s okay. Bella waves her off, telling her that she’ll “catch up in a minute.” As she walks closer to the men, who are now leering at her, she starts to hear Edward’s voice in her head.
Yes, in her moment of need, as she begins to crack, as her mind buckles under the mental strain of, uh, being dumped, she hears the soothing, velvety voice of her ex-boyfriend playing in her head, no doubt as a means of comfort.
“Bella, stop this right now!”
Wow, he even stays in-character and keeps ordering her around! That’s pretty lifelike.
Bella is shocked, thinking she would never hear him again. He orders her to go back to Jessica, because she promised not to do anything stupid. As she stands in the street, his voice starts to fade. So she does what any sane person does, and takes a step closer to danger to hear his voice again. Edward attempts to control her in her head yet again. So seriously, is this a new manpire power, or has Bella really started to lose it in a way not even Smeyer can deny?
Bella closes in on the hooligans and realizes they’re not the same four that had accosted her on that fateful, stupid day, almost a year ago. Oh. Sorry, my mistake, I thought you were someone I knew. She just turns around and walks back to Jessica.
My God. Is it just me or was that whole thing incredibly stupid? So what, Bella’s going to throw herself into danger now just to hear Edward’s voice bossing her around? She’s so God damn retarded.
Jessica’s pissed, and they eat and drive home in silence. Charlie has been worried sick, apparently not expecting that Bella was actually going to go out.
It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time.
Seriously, this bitch needs medication. I hope she starts hanging out with Jacob soon. I’m not sure how much more I can take of this “haze” and “willful self-destruction.”