Chapter Twenty-Three

There are only nine adverbs and five pages to this. Why did she even bother making a new chapter?

An “angel” comes out of nowhere to save Bella. Ooooooh we’re all surprised. He cries without actually shedding tears (because that wouldn’t be manly.) Carlisle is attending Bella’s wounds as Edward and Alice off the hunter. We don’t actually get any details on this, mind you, because Bella is hazy from blood loss. I’m just pretty sure that’s what happened since I’ve seen the movie.

Bella snaps to and starts screaming about how her hand is burning. He BIT her! Carlisle is downright shocked. I’m not sure why, given that he was, uh, a vampire. Edward is instructed to suck the venom out of her blood.

BUT WAIT! Doesn’t she smell like the best cheeseburger ever and basically this is like asking him to just pick the onions off with his teeth?

BUT WAIT! Don’t vampires go into blood frenzies when they get anywhere near the smell of blood?

BUT WAIT! All of the above makes Edward hesitate, because he doesn’t want to accidentally eat his girlfriend!


No, wait, never mind. He decides he can do it, puts his mouth to her bite wound, and sucks out the venom.

It’s okay, guys! He got it, no problem. At all. Whatsoever. Everyone is saved and they’re burning the bad guy now.


We really could have saved a lot of “trouble” by just asking Carlisle to do it, since he doesn’t have a blood frenzy anymore, but oh well. I guess we just really needed that fake dose of not-tension.

11 Responses to “Chapter Twenty-Three”

  1. WHAT. Way to contradict everything you’ve told us about vampires, Stephanie >:(.

    It saddens me beyond words that I know intelligent and educated people who like these books T___T. I’m just going to imagine that instead, all of the vampires lose control and take one of Bella’s limbs each :).

  2. Softspoken Says:

    I STILL don’t understand why Carlisle doesn’t just do it as soon as he figures out Bella got bit. I saw the movie, and thought: Huh. Good thing Carlisle is here. That’s a convenient way to safely get the poison out of her, even though it’s sure to have spread beyond the wound.

    Then they put the PSYCHO on her and say: “You can stop after tasting Bella, (a combination of 1: BLOOD, which causes frenzy in vampires, and 2: BELLA, who causes mega frenzy in Edward), right?”

  3. this chapter was a lot more interesting in the movie. the robpire looks like he actually has trouble and is sucking out some of the lame-one’s blood. but this is just awful.

  4. Katie Cole Says:

    in the movie, doesn’t he bite her arm? like near her wrist? can’t really remember…but I mean really, with that lame ‘she fell’ excuse they give to bella’s mom, wouldn’t she be all ‘ok then why does she have a clearly mouth shaped bite on her arm?’….yea…I think in the book bella says it’s just a small scar or something, noting really as noticeable as a huge bite out of her arm.
    God,I just…need to stop…thinking about it. It’s making my head hurt.

    • Cristina Says:

      But that would involve logic, a concept dear stephenie is not familiar with
      I suppose they could say that bella fell on a pair of dentures…somehow.

  5. Wait… I don’t quite understand one thing, wouldn’t when Edface bit her, his venom would ALSO go into her system and cause like a double poison thing rather then him somehow miraculously sucking all the poison out??
    Wow way to go Smeyer

    • lllyria Says:

      Well, Edward didn’t actually bite her, he just sucked her blood, so his venom wouldn’t go in her. Its still not plausible.

  6. Its nearly 6am, and all this talk of cheeseburgers has made me hungry.
    I forgot this chapter…I think she should have died, and the rest of the books could have been about the others. I like the Cullens, just not Edward.

  7. This chapter taught me two things:

    If a vampire bites you, poison goes into your system and would eventually turn you into a vampire. If another vampire bites you, then it has the complete opposite effect. In real life, this could be translated into: “If a poisonus snake bites me, I should get another poisonus snake to bite me as well. In that way, I won’t die, since the other snake will totally suck the venom out!”

    Vampire don’t bite people in the neck anymore, since that’s just totally uncool. I can actually picture James in my head going: “Hmm, where to bite this girl? Let’s see…The neck? Uuhh…No, EW! When was the last time this girl washed her neck? Ugh, I’m so not biting her there! I guess her wrist will do.”

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