Chapter Fifteen, part two

I think I’m okay to keep going.

Bella is understandably nervous about meeting Edward’s family. I’ve been there, done that. I would also however be worried that all seven of them would rip me to pieces and drain the blood from my hot fresh organs. Bella, however, has the brain activity of a radish, and is just worried they won’t approve of her.

House Cullen is way out in the boonies. It is the house of a rich person. Considering that Carlisle is probably ancient and… a doctor, this is not shocking. Hey, it’s not like they have to pay heating bills, or go grocery shopping, right? HA.

There are large windows on every wall. The house is very… open. And… bright. Hmm.

Later it is explained that they welcome the light here because “it’s the only place we don’t have to hide.” I have a charming mental image of a room full of dazzling vampires blinding each other unintentionally.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen, as we remember him, is young, blond, and fabulous. Esme, his wife, looks like a silent movie star. They are perfect Aryan breeding stock. Edwards “parents” are reserved, friendly and cautious around this potential meal. Alice, on the other hand, comes bounding down the stairs, kisses Bella on the cheek, and declares that she does smell good.

Holy crap I think I love Alice.

Jasper comes down and suddenly everybody feels mellow. His superpower is not getting people baked (as awesome as that would be)–he is simply manipulating emotions. Right. Awesome. Now Bella can have someone tell her how to feel too. It’s not like she has an original thought in her head to begin with.

Edward and Carlisle have a psychic conversation as Bella stares at their house. It’s like, so totally big. She spies a grand piano, Esme asks if she plays. When Bella says no (because she has no hobbies in life other than mooning over brooding murderers), Esme drops that Edward plays. Of course he does. Bella isn’t even surprised at this point, saying “Edward can do everything, right?” Oh god.

Edward plays a little number he wrote himself. Of course he writes his own music. And, surprise, he’s a genius pianist. He plays a song he wrote specifically for Bella, and his “parents” vacate. I am seriously holding in my lunch.

Bella asks why Rosalie and Emmett don’t like her. Emmett just thinks Edward is crazy for falling in love with a casserole. Rosalie, however, is jealous, because Bella is human, and Rosalie wants to be human.

I thought Carlisle saved you–

You know what, never mind. I’m just going to have to accept that Carlisle’s “compassion” doesn’t make any God damn sense.

“Alice seems very… enthusiastic.”

“Alice has her own way of looking at things,” he said through tight lips.

“And you’re not going to explain that, are you?”

A moment of wordless communication passed between us. He realized that I knew he was keeping something from me. I realized that he wasn’t going to give anything away. Not now.

*crosses fingers* C’monnnn lesbian vampire. C’mon!

Edward mentions that Carlisle told him with mental morse-code that Alice has seen visions of other vampires coming to visit. Holy freaking crap–is this a plot I see forming?  Edward assures Bella that he won’t let the new vamps eat her because he’s saving her for later. He finishes his song (which is not, much to a friend’s chargin, “B is for Bella, that’s good enough for me,”) and Bella cries a single tear. Quick as anything, Edward catches it on his finger and… tastes it.

He tastes her tears! Good God. Do tears sustain him too?

Edward takes her on a brief tour, which happens to pass by an enormous old cross. Bella questions it (I guess it is sort of ironic) and Edward begins telling the beginning of Carlisle’s background story.

Carlisle was born in the 1600s, in London, to an Anglican pastor who enjoyed hunting witches. Carl, somehow, had a talent for finding real witches, werewolves, and vampires, which of course leads him to his undeath. He assembles a mob (complete with pitchforks) to corner a vampire, and the vampire, predictably, eats a bunch of them. Carl is bit and left for dead. When he comes to, he realizes what he’s become.

Could this be the start of his bizarre need to play house with young people? I have to start another chapter before I can find out!

19 Responses to “Chapter Fifteen, part two”

  1. Veloxiraptor Says:

    I really have to wonder if these people were all gorgeous BEFORE they became vampires, or if it’s just a happy bonus of the vampirization process.

    • I hear the bad vampires are ugly, so I think this is just a case of Good is Pretty and Bad is Ugly… aka REALLY BAD WRITING.

      • SPOILER

        i believe it is later explained that people become better-looking with vampirization; I remember something about how someone that is already good-looking would become stunning, and someone that is ugly would become plain.

  2. fantasyforever Says:

    Alice is the ONLY redeemable character in the entire series. Sure, she has overly-girly tendencies, but she’s still an interesting character. Then again, compared with the rest of the characters in the book, anything could be seen as “interesting”…

  3. Y’know – I feel BAD recommending people read this book when I first started to read it. I thought it was quirky and a LITTLE cute…

    Then the rest of the series started to piss me off and FUCK IT ALL I wish I’d never done it! D:

    Forgive me for my sins… which I hope to repent by adoring this blog!!!

  4. Forsakentale Says:

    Well I WISH Alice was a lesbian. At least it would seem as if Smeyer wasn’t trying to play house and pairing brothers with each other… And maybe Edward would have some real competition,’cause aparently Bella only like pretty guys that sparkles like girly girls…
    Oh lord, how did I finished this book?
    BTW, your blog is dazzling ;D

  5. I have to agree. Alice is the only thing that kept my brain from imploding when I read Twilight.

  6. Kensuke Says:

    That thing about him taking out a vampire and totally screwing it up, getting a bunch of people eaten? Sounds like you could make a plot out of that. Then he decides to screw vampire hunting and become a doctor. Sigh.

  7. Katie Cole Says:

    Tears do sustain him. The tears of his victims!

    That’s also what SMeyer lives on, the tears of the people who read this and weep at the horror. Then she drinks the tears of the family members of the people who read the books, because the readers have all gone blind from all of the adverbs.

    • LOLZ!!!
      Can even see the headline

      in other news, SMeyer shows MTV her wa(tear) reservoir on Cribs.

  8. soranomukou Says:

    “Ouhuhuhuh, yeees, your sorrow sustains me”

  9. Lesbian vampire? Very interesting…

  10. So Carlisle was created in the 1600s, waited 250 years, and then decided he was bored and started biting people willy-nilly?

  11. *crosses fingers* C’monnnn lesbian vampire. C’mon!

    I swear to god I made the exact same sentence in my mind before reading it on the screen, complete with crossed fingers.

    You, ma’am, are awesome.

  12. i dunno if anyone else has pointed this out, but the vampires Carlisle supposedly finds are hiding in the sewers. In the 16th century. In London. London didn’t have a sewage system that was anything more then chucking your poo out of the window till about mid-1800’s. So these vampires were rolling around in poo for camouflage? Riiiight. Check wikipedia SMeyer!!

  13. Ican'tbelieveIreadandlikedTwilightoncebutthereyougo Says:

    “Edward plays a little number he wrote himself. Of course he writes his own music. And, surprise, he’s a genius pianist.”

    Of course, for we must all see the Opera Ghost reflected in this and hum “Music of the Night” so we might appreciate the Gothic Romance Allure of this scene (set in an ultra-modern-overdone-they-have-an-artificial-gleaming-black-christmas-tree house) and appreciate the Literary Tradition descending upon us through the Medium of Mediocre Prose For Teenagers and get scarred for life by mental images of Bella with a heaving bosom.

  14. Hold on- Esme married Carlisle? I assume due to the time period she lived in she was most likely already married and not a single mother. Is she technically “dead” and therefore separated from her old husband? Would she want to abandon him after turning into a vamp?
    If I was suicidal and I woke up a vamp I would likely kick the ass of the guy who converted me then try to kill myself- again.

    My head hurts. Must stop thinking about Twilight.

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