Chapter Fifteen, part one
ADVERB COUNT: 77
BELLA LIKE-O-METER is absolutely 0.
Bella wakes up to Edward sitting in the chair across from her bed, watching her. OH EDWARD SIIGH. She throws herself into his arms and confesses she thought last night was a dream. His response? “You’re not that creative.”
I’d be a little more upset if he wasn’t correct. There is absolutely nothing interesting, new, or even strong about this so-called heroine. I am still suspecting he’s keeping her around as an emergency food supply.
Oh, look, a paragraph about Bella washing her face. Merciful crap, Stephenie, no one cares.
Bella talked in her sleep more, it seemed. She said she loved Edward. I’m not sure how she can be so coherent while sleep-talking. I normally talk about returning your mining skill within 90 days with receipt, if you don’t like it.
Edward tells Bella that she is his life now. Codependency, go! He then tells Bella it’s time to eat, because he needs to make her decisions for her now. Bella makes a joke about him eating her. Oh man, it’s so funny that he could kill her at any moment. He attempts to make her breakfast himself before he realizes that he doesn’t eat and doesn’t know what humans actually have for breakfast. It’s hilarious and not at all boring, I swear.
The actual plot of the chapter eventually happens in the form of Edward inviting Bella to his place to meet his “folks.” Bella asks if Alice saw her in her visions, and Edward responds rather oddly. Is Alice gunning for Bella too? That would be hilarious and probably the only thing that could make me enjoy the book at this point.
Edward insists Bella tell her dad Charlie that he’s her boyfriend. Bella says “I was under the impression that you were something more, actually.” Undead lifemate? “We’re getting vampire-married, after we figure out how to keep him from crushing my skull.”
Oh for God’s sake, would we hurry up and meet the interesting characters please?
Bella agonizes over what to wear. Oh God. She comes downstairs and declares herself decent, to which Edward manhandles her tenderly and insists that she is indecently tempting. Oh God. He kisses her, and she faints.
Oh GOD I am not even KIDDING she FREAKING FAINTS.
I have to go.
This entry was posted on April 15, 2009 at 12:37 am and is filed under Post is Unrelated, Recap with tags adverbs, bella is a lesbian, can we just cuddle, dazzling, edward is a sociopath, I literally put the book down, just have sex already, manpire powers, unintentionally hilarious. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.