Chapter Eleven, when will it end

ADVERB COUNT: 65. She can’t seem to think of any way for people to talk without using adverbs.

BELLA LIKE-O-METER:You hang up first! No you hang up first!

These are just getting painful.

In lieu of plot, we have Bella asking Edward stupid questions, and then Edward asking Bella stupid questions. That is the extent of this chapter. I’m not sure where this meandering storyline is headed (that’s a lie, I do, and it makes me depressed), but I wish it would hurry the hell up.

They watch a movie in Biology. As soon as the lights go out, Bella is “stunned by the unexpected electricity that flowed through me.” This “electricity” comes up so often that I’m starting to suspect it’s not a metaphor. The next day they watch the same stupid movie, and again, as soon as the lights go out, Bella is a lightning rod.

Have we found a new manpire power? Renewable energy, just add darkness and stupid bint without a sense of self-preservation?

Nothing Wrong With Mike is sullen at Bella for hanging out with Edward so much. He says Edward looks at her like she’s “something to eat.” I think it’s time for her friends to stop trying to save her because this girl clearly just cannot take a hint. She thinks this is hilarious and manages to get irritated at Mike for having an opinion.

P.S. Edward was listening in on that conversation too. He’s so thoughtful.

Actually, Bella has the brains to get irritated at him for this, and as penance, Edward reluctantly agrees to let her drive on Saturday. He’s so manly.

Bella, font of wisdom that she is, now is telling her father that she isn’t going anywhere Saturday. This is a Missing Persons Report in the making.

As Edward interrogates Bella for the day, probably trying to figure out the optimal way to construct his shrine to her in his room (the finishing touch will be her still-beating heart and then they can be together forever), we find out some interesting things about Bella.

1. She does not have a favorite color.
2. Her favorite gemstone is based on whatever color Edward’s eyes are at the moment.
3. She actually thought Arizona was prettier than Washington.
4. I’m sorry, did I say interesting? Bella is about as interesting as a telethon on PBS.

She finally goes home, and the injuns Native American family-friends are there. Edward makes a hasty retreat as Jacob Black and his father get out of their cars.

Billy Black widens his eyes as he sees who Bella is with.

The old Indian guy knows!

Wow this is so incredibly tense.