Chapter Two, freaking dull
ADVERB COUNT: A whopping 92. I believe this is a new high score.
BELLA LIKE-O-METER is a tepid 5 and a half. (She hates snow. Maybe she’s not so bad after all.)
When we last left our “intrepid” “heroine,” she was near tears because a boy was so totally mean to her at school.
Never fear! Edward apparently had a rough party night and doesn’t show up to school for the next few days. As a result, Bella gets her head out of her ass and starts making some freaking friends (and starts trying to figure out how to snub Mike, who clearly likes her. Why she is considering this, I have no idea, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Mike).
Then she makes some dinner.
Uh. It’s pretty boring.
BUT WAIT just when Bella was starting to act like an actual real person, EDWARD COMES BACK TO SCHOOL, DUN DUN DUN. Like a conman, he’s acting like the first day never happened, and is all winning smiles and charming conversation. Some choice words used to describe him at this point are “musical,” “enchanting,” “beautiful,” and, of course, “dazzling.” Never mind that he was nearly giving her panic attacks a moment ago thanks to her social phobia bizarre teenage priorities, suddenly he is dreamy!
We find out that Bella has moved to the much-hated Forks because… her mom remarried to a man who likes to move around a lot, and Bella has committed a noble self-sacrifice by moving out of her mom’s house so she can move around with her new husband. I guess? She tells all this to Edward because he’s as charming as a sociopath. She also takes time to notice that his eyes have changed color. That’s right! His eyes change color. Stephenie, this is internet fanfiction. Internet fanfiction, Stephenie.
When Bella leaves school, Edward is hanging outside his car just staring at her. Just staring.
Some call it stalking, but I call it love.